The Amazing in the Ordinary

words to say.

2012-01-31T19:01:00.000-05:00

This post may contain some rambling, but this is just me trying to get my heart out onto paper/screen. I just very much need to do it. Some of you may roll your eyes, and that's okay. I don't mind.

These past two weeks I have been struggling. Struggling with this space on the internet. Struggling with the direction I am going in life in general. Struggling with what the goals for the year that had been laid on my heart truly meant.

Really wrestling with the vision I have for my life.

I've been taking some time to step back and see where I am, versus where I would like to be. What I want to be going played out against where I'm actually going. And that brought me to here.

I won't be writing here any longer.

This is where you may be rolling your eyes because I have done this before, said this before, and after all was said and done and over (for all the right reasons, might I add) I just started another blog (this one) a few months later. Not happening this time. But that's okay, roll those eyes if you would like.

You may be silently calling me a quitter, and that's okay too. Maybe I'm not-so-secretly calling myself a quitter for this maneuver too. And oh yes, I'm good at quitting.

But when everything in my heart points to the fact that this is the direction in which I need to run....well, I just have to do it. No matter the critics, no matter my doubts.

I need to be more action and less talk. The words of my new years goals "be present", "be intentional", "simplify"...they call me out about how my life is not what I would like for it to be, partially because of here. And sure, some master the act of juggling writing posts and reading blogs and being such a part of the internet as well as being fully present and part of their lives, but my friends, this is just not as true for me. As much as I don't like to admit that.

When I wrote the word "create" as part of my new years goals, I was certain that creating meant here in some way, in some way using this platform as part of the word "create". Our pastor preached a sermon about creating this Sunday, and when my mind danced around on what that means to me, and landed on this place, I felt only the unease of the fact that this wasn't where my platform lay. Creating is more than writing your life on the internet. And for me it just isn't meant to be writing my life on the internet. No matter how much I would try to force it, to wallow through. And that's okay with me. There is more for me. I know it. I feel it.

Creating is more than words on screen. It is creating a space and an atmosphere and a life. The life that has been laid out for me. Not for anyone else, but for me. To take advantage of every moment of that life. To really create a life that is outside myself and intentional and present and beautiful and more. Creating for me needs to not be about writing about me and my ideas and my opinions, because lets be honest I spew those things already far more than I need to. I need to focus on creating a more kind of life for my family. To follow the steps that are being laid out for me by He who sees far more than I do.

As far as you are concerned....This place has been something lovely for me in the form of the wonderful people I have met. If you would like to continue to stay in touch with me in some way and don't already have a connection with me outside of this url, shoot me an email at theamazingintheordinary{at}hotmail{dot}com. That email address will be disconnected in a few weeks time.

I love you all for listening to my ramblings and opinions, for offering sweet words of encouragement, and for walking with me for this part of my journey. It has been wonderful.

it starts with you.

2012-01-31T09:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I was watching the documentary Dive!, which is about dumpster diving for food (which is fascinating). But it is so much more than that. More of a call to arms, if you will. A call to arms that a country that wastes so much would wake up in order to take care of others that are starving. A call to arms to live more sustainable lives. In the documentary they share some very very staggering statistics.

There are 96 billion pounds of food waste a year in the US.

(as an example of how much that is: with 96 billion pounds of food waste, we could feed the country of Haiti for 5 years.)

Yet around 35.5 million people in the United States alone are food insecure (they don't know where their next meal will come from).

11 million people are going hungry (as in they will not eat today).

Those statistics break my heart. Really. They actually physically hurt my heart and brings tears to my eyes. It saddens me that we live in a country of such terrible waste.

It overwhelms me.

But just like extending kindness, or extending grade, it starts with me. As they stated in the video we are ALL responsible for the solution. Household waste is 40% of that number.

They talked about logistics and how would we get that food to people? Well we could get it there if people cared enough to take it there. To take it to food banks, to take it to those who need it.

I want my family to be more sustainable. I want to be a family that doesn't waste. I want to be a family that cares.

So now, after being educated, we will make steps in that direction. Will you?

You can also go to their website and sign a petition to help end food waste (with a certain popular food store) and to join the Eat Trash campaign to end food waste. At least go look around! No harm in that.

fitness friday...on saturday.

2012-01-28T09:48:00.001-05:00

Just wanting to check in with my fitness goals for the year. It's best for me right now in order to keep myself accountable. This will be the last time I do the "weekly check-in" style post until the end of February. I figure from here on out I'll just to it once a month because it gets boring typing it up every week. And probably boring for anyone reading it. So you're welcome :)

Food:
No sugar is still going strong. This week I've found myself missing weird things. I missed Skittles, which I KNOW for a fact make me feel sick every time I eat them. But still I wanted them. Didn't eat them, but wanted them. Weird weird weird.
I think I ate too many crackers this week. No. more. crackers. for crying out loud. It is ridiculous how many crackers I can eat if I'm not paying attention. Oops.

Workouts:
Since I was sick I didn't work out M-W because I knew my body shouldn't overdo it and needed to relax. Then Thursday I did my scheduled Pilates, and Friday instead of doing P90X I just did a nice 30 minute yoga workout. I know listening to my body will help me heal and recover from being sick. No need jumping in too fast and risking injury. I'm just glad I didn't let this stop me and am moving gradually back into it. Before I would let this throw me off the track completely, but not this time. This is my lifestyle now. It is something that I just do. It makes me feel good and I love it. So I will make the time.

Weight:
I think I said I wasn't going to post my weights anymore, but I feel like this could be helpful to someone. Even though I was sick and worked out less, I still lost a pound this week. I've seen a lot of people use being sick as why they gained weight on a given week. Stop. Take responsibility. Even if you are sick, it isn't an excuse to throw out your healthy eating. You may not work out as much, but still keep track of your food intake and you shouldn't gain! I know there are different circumstances, but seriously. Don't use everything as an excuse. You feel me?
(sentiment inspired by the fact that some people have been having issues with people not taking responsibility, and I completely agree)

So that was this week. How was your week?

one of those days.

2012-01-27T13:59:00.002-05:00

Some days just don't go your way. Right? You run yourself ragged the day before (despite writing a post earlier in the week about resting...ah, the irony) and expect to wake up being refreshed only to wake up at 5am to your neighbor yelling on the phone outside. To wake again at 7 to rain (again) and a crying baby. To trash you should have taken out the night before. To a messy kitchen and dirty dishes.

Typically I let it get to me. Oh yes I do.

Today though I tried out a little something different. I encourage you to do the same on the next one of "one of those days" you have.

I walked outside and took out the trash that I should have taken out last night, but instead of rushing and grouching, I stood in the backyard like a dork, lifted my face to the big gray sky and let the raindrops dance on my face. And I smiled.

On an errand instead of being frustrated that my child has suddenly developed an irrational fear of the umbrella (of all things!), used that rainy, soaking wet walk into Target to tell her about what rain is, that it's wet like bath water, and that it's fun. And we laughed together.

And instead of throwing a fit about the fact that my child is throwing a rebellion against taking a nap today, I'm sitting down and taking a deep breath and realizing...it's actually okay. And it is. Because one nap isn't the end of the world.

A rainy morning isn't the end of the world.

A dirty house isn't the end of the world.

But smiling and laughing and taking time to breathe...well that brightens my little world.

Why don't you take a minute to brighten yours?

thinking on thursday

2012-01-26T13:54:00.002-05:00

Thursday Thoughts with Sar time! (obviously I had to make my own photo since hers is of cupcakes. remember no sugar?) (and yes, that's a pizza sticker on my sewing machine.)

[one]

We left the house two days in a row! Hallelujah! It's amazing the things that being sick and being home bound for a measly 4 days will make you appreciate. A half hour trip to Target is so heavenly. Just simply strapping the baby in the carseat, buckling your seatbelt, and MOVING. THE. CAR. is like your soul is flying.

[two]

Obviously I needed to get out of the house, okay? Please tell me you've felt like that?

[three]

I must tell you that last night I made "veggie" burgers and my husband liked them AND I liked them. Pretty much a culinary miracle. Also, veggie is in quotations because it was "veggie" in the sense that it was vegetarian, but the only veggie to be found was spinach. It's mostly black beans though. The recipe can be found here.

[four]

Today is in the 60s. I'm not sure what happened to winter in these parts, but I have to say I don't care one bit. All the windows open and a little chickie in shortsleeves? Yes please.

[five]

In other news, my little bug is a WALKER. Well, mostly. She will take 8 steps at a time, multiple times a day. So I think that counts. And I just ordered her first birthday present. And we had to buy her a kids meal this week when we went out to eat (at Panera...delish!). What a...dare I say...toddler?

[six]

Sometimes I want another dog, and then I remember I don't like training dogs and I like having floor/furniture without pee on it. Then I decide I want a cat. I have a disease.

[seven]

Look at those sweet curls! Melts my heart.

[eight]

In reference to number three, I'm going to be a vegetarian. Or I am a vegetarian now. I'm not sure how you say that. More posts on that in the future, but I just couldn't keep it a secret from you sweet friends any longer. You know, just in case you were planning on sending me chicken nuggets in the mail or something...

Happy Thursday friends!
What are your Thursday thoughts? Link up!

midweek confessions

2012-01-25T10:59:00.000-05:00

This Wednesday I confess that...

...I started this post almost a month ago, but didn't get past the second paragraph. better late than never?

...I turn on Phineas & Ferb "for my daughter" when really I just think it's funny and a heckofalot more interesting than Yo Gabba Gabba. I mean, seriously.

...we actually went out and bought a whole new entertainment center instead of just attempting to baby proof the old one. This feels lazy, but I don't even know how we would have baby proofed the other one. Death trap, it was.

...I'm super excited about having 24 likes on my Facebook page. Probably too excited. It's the little things, people.

...instead of sweeping the living room sometimes I just blow the dust bunnies under the couch.

...sometimes I get a little over flustered and then rant too much. which explains the rant-y post I wrote yesterday, posted, and then deleted. I meant every word, but it just came out all wrong and I felt weird about it and so I deleted it. the end.

...I judge people if they don't like a book I loved. but I would be really offended if someone did that to me.

...my child is probably the most well rounded eater in our whole family (working on this being true for all of us though!)

...looking at someone eat a huge ice cream cone makes me ill after being sugar free for almost a month. seriously skeeves me out.

...I know I promised to read thirteen books in a year, but after I finished the first two am having a hard time gitten motivated again because everyone I pick up after the first two I don't like. maybe this is why I didn't read them in the first place?

What are you confessing?

slow down.

2012-01-24T08:27:00.000-05:00

In case you're new or have been missing from the area for the past few days, we've had a case of the sickies over here. Thankfully today I think we're doing much better and will hopefully be back to our normal selves just in case you were concerned. Being sick is the worst.

I have said since the beginning of mommyhood that mommies shouldn't be allowed to get sick. The world doesn't stop for mommies to be sick. Maybe for some who have family close by, I suppose...but in the military community we live in, that just isn't the case for any of us. The world keeps going, our husbands still work long hours, the kids still need taken care of, and the errands still need run. It doesn't seem to matter that you're sick. I know this is true for some of you too, military or not.

However, this time of being sick taught me something. It's okay to slow down sometimes. Last week there wasn't a second I let myself rest. I was either headed somewhere or cleaning our house or organizing a closet or..or...or.... Even if I was sitting I was probably thinking of what I needed to do. I have a disease of busy. I always have. I'm harder on myself than anyone else ever could be so I push myself. Unfortunately I think that pace may have contributed to where I was these past three days. On the couch. Being caught up and not allowing myself rest doesn't come without consequence.

And while being too stressed doesn't come without consequence, resting doesn't mean the world falls down. These past few days I've allowed myself to say "that can wait". Which isn't something I say too often, and you know what?

It was so refreshing.

To look at a mess on the floor and say "that can wait till I feel up to it". To look at a list to the store and say "that can wait until it's absolutely necessary to pick up". To look at the couch and say "yes please, I think I'll just lay here a while and watch a movie while the baby plays".

A breath of fresh air.

Can I do that all the time? No. But when stress and busy and schedule all come closing in around me to where I feel like I can't breathe and can't think, it's okay to stop for a second.

It's okay to take a second to feel a warm coffee or tea warm your hands and your throat. It's okay to feel the couch mold to your body as you curl up with a blanket, a baby, and a book. It's okay to leave a mess for a bit so you can collect your brain. It's okay to wear your pajamas all day (as long as you aren't going anywhere of course. well except walmart, I hear that's acceptable there). It's okay to take a nap. It's okay to ask your husband for help. It's okay to just sit and read your Bible instead of c It's okay to say I'll do that tomorrow, today I will rest.

Whatever rest looks like to you, I encourage you to do it more often. The world doesn't need more burnt out mamas, it has enough of those. It sure could use some more mamas that could take some time to rest though. And as the pace starts to pick back up today as we start to feel better, I pray I'll remember that too. To stop and rest. To stop and see. To stop and breathe.

What can you do to rest today?

at this time...

2012-01-23T09:42:00.001-05:00

{post concept taken from Lemonade Makin Mama)

Currently loving... apple cinnamon oatmeal & a large cup of coffee in my favorite mug, a sweet baby girl, a big strong hubby, and a clear schedule.

Currently reading... What is the What by Dave Eggers and the book of John (from the Bible, of course).

Currently waiting for... the sickies to depart from out house.

Currently excited about... a little bug's birthday and springtime on the horizon!

Currently missing... the feeling of breathing normally. boo.

Currently trying... to eat better, healthier, and fresher...and LOVING IT (more to come on all that another day) ;)

Currently working at... being more present & finishing the things I start.

Currently enjoying... almond milk, baby snuggles, a crazy dog in my face, mismatched socks, and pajama days.

Currently snacking on... nuts and raisins.

Currently using... the computer?

Currently wearing... plaid pajama pants, an oversized t-shirt, messy hair, and my glasses. it's sick day at it's finest over here people!

Currently planning... a certain little bug's first birthday party accompanied by the visit of a few special guests. :)

Currently singing... You Are My Sunshine. Maybe all my talk of sunshine will make it appear??

Currently needing... to clean my kitchen (cooking disaster explosion from yesterday!), to relax and to feel better. I realize those first two clash.

Currently learning... that sometimes you just need to slow down, how to be a better friend, how to shut my mouth sometimes (that last one is a slow process).

Currently listening to... a little girl whisper "reading" herself books and then throwing them on the floor. warms my heart. :)

Currently wishing... do we really have to go over this again? that my cold would go away of course! oh and that some future decisions would become clear to me.

Currently doing... some rocking in a rocking chair, some smiling at my beautiful daughter, and some typing to you lovelies. pretty sweet.

Currently praying for... friends, family, and smooth transitions. join me in that?

Currently dreaming of...a nap, some sunshine, warm weather, painting, planting a backyard container garden, and creating something new.

what are you up to, currently? :)

linking with miscellany monday. as always!

also linking with Mingle Monday!

sunday is...

2012-01-22T10:43:00.003-05:00

hot coffee and warm bowls of oatmeal.

cloudy and rainy (still!).

sesame street and yo gabba gabba.

snotty noses and tissues.

lot of glasses of lemon water.

fresh veggies and warm deliciousness.

sleepy eyes and overall grogginess.

sneezes and coughs.

grumps and cozy clothes.

after yesterday's more cheery/blissful post I just had to keep it real.

because that's how I do.

:)

saturday is

2012-01-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

magazines and coffee.

snuggles.

clouds and rain.

grocery shopping.

book reading.

cleaning and laundry.

cooking and eating.

breathing in deep.

what is your saturday?

fitness and all that jazz.

2012-01-20T09:49:00.003-05:00

I know you are all waiting with baited(bated?) breath for me talking about my workout regimen like I said I would last week. I just know it ;) Now let it be known that I am not a personal trainer, a registered anything, or any kind of professional anything when it comes to fitness. Or really anything for that matter. I just like working out, like working out in the comfort of my own home, and like working out on my own time. Oh, and I like things that work. Remember, I weight almost 20 lbs less than I did before I got pregnant with my 11 month old daughter. So, maybe I know a little of what I'm talking about. My week, workout-wise looks something like this. This is my workout schedule for this week, for instance.

Sunday- Rest.

Monday- 30 Day Shred at Level 1 (I alternate between level 1 and 2): takes about 25 minutes.

Tuesday- Biggest Loser Cardio Max Weeks 1 and 2 (that's the intensity/length of the video): takes 30 minutes.

Wednesday- P90X Shoulders & Arms : takes approx 1 hour.

Thursday- A Pilates selection from Netflix : takes 30 minutes. ((except that I didn't do this this week. eek. was too busy cleaning for the inspection))

Friday- P90X Legs & Back: takes approx 1 hour.

Saturday- Rest.

I am attempting a (very very) modified version of P90X. Where they have a cardio/kenpo/yoga I am inserting a shorter workout DVD in it's place. I personally can't fit in an hour to an hour and half workout everyday, but twice a week is doable for me. I also leave out the P90X abs segment because...I just don't care to do it. I figure my abs get enough from the shred and from pilates.

(obviously thats really what I look like after a workout. you're welcome.)

Now the other stuff you (might) want to know about this week.

No Sugar: Success. It's getting a lot easier and seeing excess sugar consumption is actually starting to give me the creeps. I still want a cookie occasionally, but the desire is a lot less. I've also developed a love for the sweetness of raisins. Pretty much, we're getting places :)

Other food: I snacked too much this week. Oh well, next week! This week we ate way more vegetables than ever before, and I managed to have a snack of fruit a least once, sometimes twice, a day. Major progress! Turns out if you stock your house with healthy foods, you choose healthy foods. Who would have thought ;)

Weight: Still the same (high school weight! yay!). I'm not going to include this part after this week unless it's major awesome or something. I'm not focusing on weight loss anymore, just tone and overall fitness. Feels good to be able to say that!

How have your workouts/eating habits been this week? Did you also write a Fitness post on Friday? Let me know!

also, before you go... if you haven't already, click that link in the sidebar and go "like" my blog on facebook? i'll love you forever. even more than I already do. :)

linking today with Fitness Friday @ Girl Talk and Firm Fridays @ First Name Smith

thursday thoughts.

2012-01-19T14:59:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday Thoughts time with the lovely Sar!

{one} I realize I'm posting twice in one day but this is because I have exciting news (well, exciting to me) and I can't hold it in :) Saving that for last though. You know, suspense and all.

{two} Our house is the cleanest it has been in...ever...because we had a home inspection today to decide whether or not we would be allowed to continue to live where we do. I was a nervous wreck. Turned out, they hardly looked around and said we were good to go! Praise God! And I got a clean house out of it. Win, win :)

{three} I miss my sister.

{four}Tonight is our weekly "family dinner" with our neighbors. This week is my turn to cook and I've got some baked spaghetti just waiting in the fridge. I'm so excited to eat it, it isn't even funny. Probably because I had some nuts and raisins for lunch. Poor grocery planning. Boo :(

{five} I'm in a knitting funk, yall. What do you do to get yourself out of a crafting funk? I have a scarf almost finished and I can't bring myself to do it!

{six} There are some big changes brewing for this little ol' blog of mine and I am super excited about it! More to come, very soon.

{seven} But for now, I can tell you this! Look over in the right hand column. Somewhere over there, you will see something new. Found it? The blog is on Facebook! I made it a goal of mine that when I got 50 followers I would create a page so as a blog community we could hang out/talk/ask questions a little better. You know, because I love ya. So click "like", why don't ya? :)

defining self.

2012-01-19T10:10:00.000-05:00

Recently I read this post at chatting at the sky. It was like water to my soul. Healing where I kind of knew I was needing it.

Lately I've been trying to define myself. I'm just sure that if I know who I am, what I'm like, the things I like...if I know all those things....it will just be better. I will be able to understand me. Like somehow that will help my life.

I'm coming to realize though, after reading that post, that I don't need to define myself. I need to just be. I need to enjoy things that I like at that moment. Stop worrying about whether or not it is "me" to do something. To step out and try. To step out and enjoy. To step out and breathe in life.

And if some of those things are seemingly contradictory or opposite, than so be it. I believe that is okay. I'm so thankful for having read that post. So thankful that she helped me see that it's okay.

It's okay.

beauty, beauty, everywhere

2012-01-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

I love that there is beauty in so many places. Expected places and unexpected places alike. I love that if you're looking for it, it is easy to find.

In blue skies and sunshine. Even sometimes in gray skies and rain.

In sunrises and fresh fruit resting on the kitchen table.

In cozy socks and warm coffee.

In toys all over the floor.

In silence. Even sometimes in noise.

In little baby legs in animal print jammies doing squats.

In beautiful fabrics and things created by the two hands of a friend.

In soft breaths of a sweet baby.

In the hands of a strong husband.

In a spot just for me.

In memories and in dreams.

In here and now.

Where have you seen beauty today?

in real life.

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

in real life, sometimes you make the winning recipe.

in real life, sometimes you forget a key ingredient to your winning recipe and it tastes like crap.

in real life, your sweet child smiles up at you while she plays and melts your heart.

in real life, kids throw up on your rug.

in real life, you think in your youth you will want to remember this time forever.

in real life, by the time ten years later rolls around, you won't.

in real life, true love is amazing.

in real life, love isn't always glamorous.

in real life, your dog snuggles up to you on the couch and helps you relax.

in real life, your dog poops on your bed sometimes.

in real life, your husband grabs your hand at night and makes you melt.

in real life, your husband keeps you up half the night snoring in his sleep.

in real life, the friends you have in high school usually aren't your real friends in five years. because facebook doesn't really count.

in real life, you smile a lot.

in real life, your teeth are probably not flawless white due to all the coffee you drink.

in real life, it is possible to be fit.

in real life, your body after baby doesn't look like a supermodel's. unless you can pay for a personal trainer in which case, that is not the real life I know.

in real life, situations don't tie up with a pretty bow. some are left open ended.

in real life, you get the sunshine with the rain.

but real life is beautiful just the same.

because real life, is real. warts and all.

pinned

some holiday monday random.

2012-01-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

Monday randoms. Of course. Especially because it's a holiday. Holiday's call for random. Or something.

{one} I've spent half the weekend (possible exaggeration) cleaning out my dang Pinterest recipe board and once and for all deleting the entire board dedicated to sweets. It's not easy to stick to your healthy eating when the second you click on your board to find a nice recipe for yourself you're bombarded with SUGAR and BUTTER and CHEESE and POTATO everywhere. Goodbye my lovers, my booty doesn't care to see the result of you ever again.

{two} Lest you are confused, I will still be eating all three of those things. Just rarely and certainly not every night. Or even weekly (except for maybe the cheese, it just will be a normal amount rather than oozy). And I'm not upset about it. I don't know who I am anymore. But I like it.

{three} Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas are actually on my menu this week. See the last two sentences of above paragraph.

{four} I went on a date with my hubby this weekend! I highly recommend a monthly (at least) date night for parents of young children (and old children). On the way home we swung by the store and used the money my parents sent me for Christmas to pick out a nice little crafting/writing workspace/couponing desk for me. IN LOVE.

{five}In the spirit of Martin Luther King Jr Day:

pinned

"Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

pinned

{six}I will have you know I have finished reading Redeeming Love and it is up there in my top favorite books of all time. I'll be writing more about it at some other time, but wanted you to know that if you haven't read it yet, you must. I couldn't wait a second for you to know that!

{seven} Any good recommendations for first birthday presents?

{eight} This one time over a month ago I took an adorable and kind of hilarious Christmas photo and then I forgot to share it. So...

Happy Monday sweet friends!

a little baby face

2012-01-14T10:10:00.004-05:00

Just a little sweetness for your Saturday morning. You know, since this face is what always makes my morning a little bit more sunny :)

i'm sure you've heard...

2012-01-13T20:57:00.002-05:00

but there's this little video rushing around the facebook and blog world. I had a whole post written up about it when I came across this one. I invite you to read it if {for whatever reason} you are curious of my opinion. Even if you aren't curious about my opinion, I really think you should read it anyway. It's really good stuff.

Does Jesus Hate Religion? Kinda, Sorta, Not Really

An excerpt:

"This video is the sort of thing that many younger Christians love. It sounds good, looks good, and feels good. But is it true? That’s the question we must always ask. And to answer that question, I want to go through this poem slowly, verse by verse. Not because I think this is the worst thing ever. It’s certainly not. Nor because I think this video will launch a worldwide revolution. I want to spend some time on this because Bethke perfectly captures the mood, and in my mind the confusion, of a lot of earnest, young Christians."

all in one.

2012-01-13T10:20:00.000-05:00

We've had a good week over in these parts, how has yours been? {and before you go all up in arms about it being to sunshine & rainbow like in that last statement, just know that I'm overlooking the whole closet avalanche thing that has happened this week twice. oh and that one bag of trash I got out of one drawer. feel better?} Yesterday we have some AMAZING January weather {hello 60s!} and took full advantage of that and went to the playground! I had never taken Little Bug to the playground since I think before it would have just been for me since she wouldn't really have played, but at almost 11 months {!!!!} she really enjoyed it.

In other completely unrelated news, one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, Betsy, has just gotten into blogging and just did an about me post. I would just love it if you would go over there and "meet" her because she is just lovely! Also, check out her other posts, she always makes me think, in the best ways!

In even more news unrelated to either of the last paragraphs, it is Fitness Friday over at Girl Talk, and Firm Friday over at First Name Smith! So therefore we need an update on my new years fitness goals yes?

No sugar: Still going strong! Almost at 3 weeks complete! Only 5 months 1 week to go! haha. This week was hard, but I pushed through. We even had cupcakes in our house one night. CUPCAKES yall. With strawberry icing. My favorite. But I did not eat one. I didn't even let myself smell them. And that, I say is a success. Now if I could stop my cracker addiction, then we'll be getting places.

Workouts: I missed one workout this week, and quite honestly, I did it on purpose. Eek. But I'm still meeting my goal of exercising more days than I don't, so I'll still count this week as a good one. I did my first p90x workout this morning (I'll explain my workouts more next week) and I am seriously obsessed. I loved it! That will make working out so much easier! (disclaimer: I'm a "weirdo" who loves working out, so take that for what it is!)

Weight: Saving the best for last. I got on my sweet little scale this morning {I could just kiss it, for real I could!} and what did I see glimmering on the screen? MY "IMPOSSIBLE" GOAL WEIGHT. The one I set in my mind but not on paper the day I gave birth to my daughter. MY HIGH SCHOOL WEIGHT. The one I would never see again. My daughter is almost 11 months and I made it. So let that be an encouragement to you! Keeping track of your food and working out WORKS if you stick with it! It WORKS! Well and I kind of had to toot my own horn for a minute too, so, toot toot! :)

How was your week? How are your health goals going?

unspoken prayer.

2012-01-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

I love God and I love the way He shows Himself in our lives. I love that an amazing, mighty, powerful God takes the time to make Himself known to us in the littlest of things, that He takes the time to get really personal with us. I love Him!

Last night as I fed my little girl her bottle and rocked her in the darkness and silence of her room, I realized something. God had answered one of my largest unspoken prayers.

Only unspoken really in the sense that I had never said it out loud, I suppose. I'm sure the loud bitterness in my heart was conveying my prayer request loud and clear over the past years.

I have always felt I had really good friends. Great people to hang out with and talk with. I was certain however, that apart high school and maybe a little of college, you just couldn't really find a best friend anymore. Part of it was probably moving across the country and having to start over completely. I really got to thinking that gut level, thick and thin, honest, accountable friendship was just not something I would find. Sure, maybe other people had it, but did they really? Apparently that just wasn't something for me.

Bitterness.

For a few years I really thought this and thought it often. Last night, though as I sat rocking my sweet girl, I thought back to my week and my life and my day. And I smiled.

At this moment today I can think of quite the handful of beautiful women who I believe are those kind of friends to me. You know, those friends who don't exist. {wink} Friends who are like family. Friends who tell me when I'm being weird. Friends who I can talk to about all my crazy ideas and schemes. Friends who support me. Friends who feed my child half their food. Friends who feed my soul. Friends who make me laugh. Friends who I know are in it for the long haul. Some are new, some are old, but all hold that best title in my heart. Thank you ladies, for being those friends to me.

And most importantly, thank you Lord for bringing them my way.

Has God answered an unspoken prayer for you? Don't forget to take the time to thank Him!

downsizing.

2012-01-11T08:30:00.000-05:00

If you remember, one of my new years goals was to simplify. By simplifying I mean in all areas of my life, to cut out the unnecessary clutter that crowds my life. In the spirit of trying to really get this new years goal thing in gear instead of waiting until December, I have decided to start with our living space.

My word, the clutter.

If you had told me two months ago that we have a lot of things, I would have laughed in your face. To be quite honest, for quite a bit of last year I had a pity party for myself, that's for sure. It went a little something like this: Our house isn't very nice. Everyone has more clothes than me. We don't have very much compared to other people we know. Boy this sucks. To appease myself I just always told myself, oh well we have what we can afford and that's okay.

Truth is, we have too much. Truth is, just because we can afford it, doesn't mean we should have it.

I have stared closets in the face this week full of SO! MUCH! CRAP! that it is unreal. I have found things we have purchased and never used. I have found things that we used, but not enough for the price.

I have stared rooms in the face, looked around, and thought What excess! You think you need all this but you don't!

In less than a month my perspective has changed completely, just from that little word.

simplify.

Do I still wish that we had a nicer and bigger house? In full disclosure, sometimes. But I am making a conscious choice to be pleased with the home we have and to take better care of it because of that.

Do I wish we had more stuff? I'm sure I'll fall into the trap a time or two, but how about then you remind me about all this junk I'm getting rid of!? Deal?

Seriously though, my prayers and my dreams are beginning to change. I'm dreaming that even if we are able to fill our home with stuff, that we wouldn't buy it. That even in any future home, we would resist the urge to have the "perfect" furniture, the "perfect" clothes, the "perfect" decor, and the "perfect" things. That instead we would teach ourselves and our children to take joy in the little things and to be resourceful. That instead we would use that extra money not for our own comfort, but to help those others who have so much less.

Are you simplifying this year?

season of change.

2012-01-10T09:24:00.003-05:00

Right now I feel as I would if I was about to jump off a cliff, watching the water swirling and foaming underneath me. The excitement and anticipation of the trill of adventure and fun coupled with the fear that my brain might be about to be in a thousand pieces scattered on the rocks.

A change is brewing.

I feel it in every move I made, and every thought that crosses my mind. That perhaps things won't be as I know them today for long.

Even though I don't know exactly what these changes will be, somehow I know they are there. It's like the backdrop to every moment. A voice that whispers to both enjoy how things are now and to be in preparation for things to come.

So that is what I will do. I will enjoy this stage of motherhood, even though it is sometimes draining. I will take care of the gifts that the Lord has given to me right now. I will make a conscious effort to dwell in His word to seek guidance and peace for this next step that I feel is coming.

How could I have known that my words would be so fitting for this season of life? How amazing is God for giving me those thoughts to help myself along the way?!

Are you in a season of change too this year? Take comfort, fell peace, He is for you!

a little somethin somethin.

2012-01-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

Well we've had a pretty lazy weekend around these parts. Well, I did. I lazed on the couch while a baby scooted around the floor and watched far too much Sesame Street. My husband on the other hand ran all over the city trying to find a cheap repair for the flat tire on my car (hence, the reason why I was "forced" to do nothing). Oh and then once flat tire was repaired, some essential piece of tire operations (see how much I know about cars?! it's incredible!) snapped off and he got to spend an extra day at the tire shop! What fun! Anyways, wasn't that a fun weekend recap for you? Now that I got that off my chest I am ready to tackle this week head on, I do believe. Moving on.

Yesterday Sar tagged me in a great big blogger About Me game. Sometimes I do these, sometimes I don't, but this one is just too fun to pass up. And since I love reading the answers of other people, I figured I would let other people have the fun of reading my answers as well! Oh, and since I just so happened to mention that I like reading the answers of others, I hope that guilt-trips you into participating if I tag you ;) Onward!

(excuse the obvious summer photo. my camera is dead so I can't take a photo and the most recent

photo I have of just me is from july. JULY. note to self: take more self portraits.)

[the rules]

1. You must post the rules.

2. Post 11 fun facts about yourself on the blog post.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you've tagged.

4. Tag 11 people and link them on your post

5. Let them know you've tagged them!

[11 facts about me]

1. I had 7 wisdom teeth. I always use this for every random fact thing ever, so might as well get it out of the way!

2. Thanks to my husband I have recently fallen in love with sci-fi television (via Netflix). Eureka, Firefly, Doctor Who....very abnormal for me!

3. I could eat Panera bagels for every meal of my life.

4. I am told I look like Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliette from Lost)...I think it's that look that she gives. Or my mouth. Or hair. Or something. My husband laughs about it often.

5. I am a germaphobe.

6. I have big dreams but always find ways to talk myself out of them because they "won't work out", I'm working on learning to take the leap.

7. I don't like Disney World because I don't like crowds or standing in line.

8. One of my favorite childhood memories is my grandpa rubbing my back as I fell asleep. He was my best friend and passed away when I was in 5th grade.

9. I have been engaged twice.

10. While I could eat Panera bagels for every meal of my life, I could also drink smoothies for every meal of my life. I could actually do without eating if I could have an endless supply of good smoothies.

11. Being outside is my favorite. I love a nice breeze across my skin and sunshine on my face. When is spring going to start again??

[questions from Sar]

[1] What's your favorite memory of 2012 thus far? Oh mah word it hasn't been that long! Hmmm. I would say at this point it would be lounging at our neighbors' house after a nice meal, having some good conversation and watching the kids play. It's a nice mixture of fun and comfort. :)

[2] Did you make any resolutions? If so, how are they going? I did! They're going well, it really helps give me focus if I have goals. On top of that I also gave up sugar for 6 months. Also going surprising well (although sometimes torturous!)!

[3] What's the background picture on your phone or computer desktop? The background picture on my phone is my daughter's smiling face and my computer desktop picture is my new years resolutions typed out on top of the same beach scene that is in my header up there. To remind me in case I, you know, forget.

[4] After you log onto the internet, what is the first website you go to? Facebook. What a dork, right?

[5] What is your favorite blog to read? I have all kinds of favorites for different reasons (great friend, fave recipes, inspirational, etc) but my current favorite is Lemonade Makin' Mama. Creativity, decor, motherhood, faith...all wrapped up in one. Plus she takes gorgeous photos of all of it!

[6] If you could only listen to one song on repeat, what would you choose? Could I not? The thought of this kind of makes me want to stuff my ears with cotton because I have issues that way. Like even if I listen to multiple different songs in a row for too long I start feeling like there is just too. much. noise. and have to turn it off and sit in silence. I'm more of a silence person, I think.

[7] What is your favorite part about living where you currently live? Neighborhood-wise: Our diagonal across the street neighbors. Hands down. I feel like that's why we are where we are. Area-wise: I like the fact that there are seasons but they are more mild and that we are close to some nice attractions to visit.

[8] What's one thing you've been most proud of recently? My husband. cheeeesey. But so so true.

[9] When was the last time you did a random act of kindness? Big ones, about a month ago. But I try to slip little acts of kindness to my family members in every day. Also answering this question just gave me major deja vu for some reason and I just thought you should know.

[10] What is one word/phrase you say entirely too often? Oh my word. Oh my lands. Are you serious? (the later mostly aimed at my husband haha)

[11] What's your biggest pet peeve? Speaking of my husband...hahaha just kidding. Hmmm. Dishonesty and especially being a coward about it. I really don't like people that lie behind the backs of others. It's pretty ugly.

[I tag]

1. Krystal at and this is growing up

2. Alyssa at Awake O Sleeper

3. Rebekah at Life With the Edwards

4. Melissa at Little Mrs. Married

5. Betsy at Literature is Love

6. Kerri at Sew. What.

7. Amber at sweet pea's corner

8. Hilary at Thankful for Second Chances

9. Callie at Through Clouded Glass

10. Kim at A Fresh Perspective

11. Laura at A Hearty Overflow

[questions from me for the 11 people to answer]

1. If you could only own cats or only own dogs for your entire life, which would you choose?

2. What was the last dream (sleep dream) you had that you can remember?

3. If you had no fear of failure, what would you do?

4. If you could save only one photograph, what would it be?

5. Deserted Island: What three books would you take?

6. What skill do you wish you had and why?

7. What is your favorite meal to cook?

8. How long does it take for you to get ready to go out of the house?

9. What is your favorite childhood memory?

10. Deserted Island: What three movies do you take? (and yes, this strange island has a DVD player, don't ask!)

11. How long on average does it take you to read a book?

Really excited to read what yalls answers are! :) Hope you have a great day and a great start back to your week!

burning alive.

2012-01-07T20:05:00.000-05:00

Today I was listening to David Crowder Band's You Are My Joy and I just wanted to shout aloud the lyrics. Especially these:

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.

Those words. Two simple lines that explained everything my heart was feeling on that day. What a beautiful gift I was given by the Lord. A way to finally explain what I was feeling.

How have I been feeling this past little while? Like I am coming undone.

I feel as though the more I am learning about God, the closer He draws me to Him, the more I feel Him, I come more and more undone.

I see the way I think things to be just falling apart.

I see the fabric of what I thought life was unraveling around me.

And it isn't terrifying. In fact, it makes my heart feel like it is soaring. Truthfully, the feeling is one I cannot even begin to describe in words, as those words couldn't begin to do it justice.

In so many ways I feel like my whole life has been lived in a deep deep fog. Where I could only see what was in front of my face. Maybe a self imposed fog, because it seems as though I could also only see what I wanted to.

Each step I take seeking His face, the fog seems to be evaporating. It is like a whole new world is beyond the fog that I once thought was life. Now it almost seems disgusting that I could call that life. That short-sighted view of it.

Things aren't how I thought they were. They probably aren't how you think they are either.

I am starting to see glimpses of that everywhere.

I know there is so much more left to see. So much more that I won't understand or even notice this side of heaven.

I am so grateful that He has begun to melt my heart of stone, that He has opened my eyes where before I could hardly see, that He has lifted some of the fog.

Oh praise Him!

fitness friday: new years edition

2012-01-06T08:50:00.000-05:00

I figured I would check in with how all of my fitness related goals are going on this first week of January by joining in with Girl Talk's Fitness Friday! How are things going for yall? Still on the wagon?? Even if you're not, get right back on! You can just pretend that the New Year starts on January 6th. ;) As for me...
{No Sugar} Well, here I am at almost two weeks of no sugar, and I have to say....these past two days have been really hard. I'm absolutely still pushing ahead. Still haven't had any sugar. My body feels better,....but the desire has been there these past few days. I want an ice cream sundae so bad I could scream, yall. Oh and lets not forget how bad I would like to curl up with a bag of chocolate (yes, a bag) and a book in bed and just be lazy. Yesterday I even thought about throwing in the towel. You know what that showed me? My addiction to sugar. If I wasn't addicted I wouldn't feel so desperate for sugar that I need to quit. I wouldn't. But I do. And that's why I can't quit. I won't quit.
{Diet} I'm not on a diet. I don't believe in them, but I have made a goal to eat more real food and less crap this year. I'm doing okay. Trying to move gradually with other stuff as no sugar was a bold move for me! This week my goal was to make sure I had vegetables with every dinner and I've done that. Even when I was choking them down. It becomes a habit eventually, right??? Right??? ugghhh...
{Exercise} I've followed my exercise plan this week and will resume with next week's plan on Monday! (I'm taking weekends off). I'm proud to say that I've worked out more days than I haven't this year (lol). Realizing that it's only the first week, but it still feels really good. No way I could have said that any other year of my life! I count that as a victory :)
Hopefully in writing this post I can look back on it and encourage myself with how good I felt this week after accomplishing my goals. I know there are rough times ahead for me in this area, I'm sure of it, so I need this to look back on.
What's your plan for your health this year?? How are you doing with your goals?

thursday thoughts

2012-01-05T14:01:00.003-05:00

Sar has officially made thursday thoughts a link up! So of course I'm going to participate, and you should too. You know, if only so that when she's a big famous blog link-up celebrity you can say "I did the first thursday thoughts link up!" ;)

{one} I have already finished one book on my goal list (it was a short one) and due to the overwhelming response about Redeeming Love, just started that one last night. You have good taste, friends! It was so hard to put down! If you see me walking around bleary eyed it's because I can't sleep because I must....read....one.more.chapter.

{two} I just have to get this off my chest...I'm about 90% sure I killed a brown recluse in my house today. IN. MY. ROOM. I even Googled it, which we all know is like....the right thing to do. I guess if you see me bleary eyed it might also be because I can't sleep because I'm afraid all the poisonous spiders are going to attack me while I sleep. No, I never overreact. Ever.

{three} If you're feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole New Year thing, check out yesterdays post.

{four} I have so many post ideas floating around in my head, but I can't figure out how to start the majority of them. So I"m sorry, but this rambling is what you get today!

{five} Some wise words from other people for your day:

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How is your Thursday going??

unknown?

2012-01-04T09:30:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking.

Well, truth be told, I'm always thinking. So are you, who doesn't think? But there is such a difference between "just" thinking and really thinking, isn't there?

I've been really thinking.

About lots of things that I will write about later (of course!), but also about this new year. (I know, shut up about the new year already people...but seriously this is a different kind of thing.)

Today I was reading a post by Emily at chatting with the sky that got me really thinking about his new year. She wrote about how she imagines that we are welcomed into the new year. That we are invited here to this new year.

It got me thinking so much. About that. About what was preached in our church on Sunday. About my readings. All of it.

We look at this year with expectation. We make our lists. It is a blank page before us.

But God already knows what all those days hold.

He knows each and every situation we will face in 2012. He knows how every moment will be spent, the challenges we will run up against, the things that may or may not thwart all of our plans we have set this past week.

You know what that makes me want to do? It makes me want to press into Him even more. To seek Him harder. To dwell in His presence. To listen for His voice even closer. To feel His nudging me. To really cling to Him.

Because I don't know what this year holds. Sure I have my plans, but I know better than to think that they are absolute and concrete. I don't know what is on the horizon.

But I know the One that does.

And I want to move with where He is guiding me, as He prepares me for the things in the future that I can't yet see.

I am so thankful that He does.

Read it.

2012-01-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

One of my new years goals for 2012 was to read more books on my bookshelf. You see, I have this thing where I love to buy books, ask for books, receive books for gifts....and then let them sit on my shelf for years and not read them. Not that I don't want to read them, I think about reading them every time I walk past the bookshelf! But I get hear my other friends talk about the new releases they're digging into and I decide instead of reading my own books to go buy another book and read that instead. Vicious cycle.

This year it is my goal to change that! I'm making an effort to read the books that I already own. I am committing to reading at least 3 chapters of every book before deciding "I don't like this book" and quitting. Here's a list of what I'm looking forward to reading this year.

(oh and if you're ever wondering what I'm reading at any given point through the year, look in the side bar to the right and you will see!)

Confessions of a Slacker Mom- Muffy Mead-Ferro

Love at Last Sight- Kerry and Chris Shook

Wide Open Spaces- Jim Palmer (I've already read this, but really want to re-read it!)

Set Free- Linda Strom

What is the What- Dave Eggers

The Irresistible Revolution- Shane Claiborne

Set Apart Femininity- Leslie Ludy

Come Thirsty- Max Lucado

Divine Design for Liberated Living- Charles Lowery

Redeeming Love- Francine Rivers

Beyond Belief- Josh Hamilton

Sense and Sensibility- Jane Austen

One Thing- Dwayne Roberts

So that is a little over one book a month. I think I can do it! I definitely didn't read that much last year, but I think it's a good goal for this year.

Have you read anything on my list? What are you reading this year?

Happy New Year, A Sugar Update, and Other Stuff.

2012-01-02T14:21:00.001-05:00

Well, Happy New Year, friends! :)

{one} How was your New Years Eve? We actually managed to stay up till midnight (not the baby of course) on accident due to some loud neighbors (actually not new years eve related either---who decides to start moving out of their house at 11pm?!?), but it actually turned out to be quite nice once we got over the irritation of it all. It was kind of nice to welcome the New Year as it happened...and to not be awakened by the million firecrackers shortly after! Although my eyes sure were tired by about 6pm last night. Oh well :)

{two} We hit the ground running yesterday by spending our first Sunday of 2012 in church. Love starting out that way! Then we just relaxed and lazed around with friends for the rest of the day. Perfection!

{three} No sugar update! I've made it a week without sugar! It is gradually getting easier to pass that food by. My body feels so much better, which is funny, because I didn't really even know I was feeling bad in the first place. Not to mention I lost 3 lbs. IN A WEEK. Uhmm, WHAT? For real I stepped on the scale this morning and thought it was broken. That doesn't happen to me, yall. I am not a lose 3 lbs in a week kind of person and it just fell off. Interested in the no sugar lifestyle yet? ;)

{four} I've planned out my workouts until April 7th. I think if I already have written down what I'm supposed to do every day it will make it easier to just get up and do it. Trying to really take care of that "work out more days than I don't" goal I have for this year! Are you kicking your New Years goals in the butt yet? What are you waiting for?!

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{five} On the agenda for this week, cleaning out the monster closet (you know the one), organizing, and actually making an effort to play and relax inbetween. Mondays & New Years always make me feel ambitious.

How is your Monday going?

To: 2011

2011-12-30T08:30:00.000-05:00

Dear 2011,

This year was one I will never forget. You were something else! Sitting here dwelling on you, I can hardly even believe you happened...but you did.

January 1st of 2011 seems so very long ago. That night that I laid wrapped up in blankets. Surrounded by dogs. But alone. I went to bed early and at midnight awoke to neighbors blowing party horns. I smiled and said "Happy New Year" aloud to no one in particular and closed my eyes again. The thought of that night seems so foreign to me today.

Over two weeks later I hugged the neck and kissed the face of my husband for the first time in 2011. He saw my big 9 months pregnant belly for the first time in person. We played catch-up and awaited the change of a lifetime.

Mid-February we awoke one morning before the sun and I drove us to the hospital, walked myself into surgery, and was wheeled out the mother of a sweet baby girl. My life before that day pales in comparison to the vibrant life I have had since.

The past months have gone by in a whirlwind of "firsts" coupled with the joy of seeing little eyes experience the world. What an wonderful year it has been, filled with love and new memories.

2011, you have been busy, beautiful, chaotic, stressful, complicated, simple, dramatic, peaceful, and amazing. You were not without heartbreaks, rough places, and hard times. But with those hard times have come lessons learned and relationships strengthened.

Thankfully, as I look back, the good times have outweighed the bad, 2011. Maybe though, just maybe that is because of my perspective. There have been so many wonderful things that have happened that the bad just seems a little hazy in comparison.

I am thankful. So very thankful for the opportunities, memories, and relationships that have filled this time in our lives. God has brought us so far this year. I look at where we were on January 1st and who we are now...and I am amazed. I look forward to 2012 with eyes of hope, love, courage and determination.

So goodbye 2011, it's time to see you go.

With Love, Me.

Thursday Thoughts

2011-12-29T09:30:00.000-05:00

I've decided to steal the Thursday Thoughts concept from the lovely Sar at [life of love] for today. For one, because she is just lovely and who doesn't want to be a little more like her (hello, she random acts of kindness attacks people in the airport with her boyfriend. does it get much more awesome?), and because this format is more suited to the way my brain is feeling today! :) So welcome to my mind.

{one} Is it strange that now when I look on Pinterest and see all the classy and sassy future baby rooms my friends without children have pinned all I can think is WHAT A HORRIBLE BABY PROOFING DISASTER that will be in the future? Because I do. My mind is permanently baby proof altered, yall. I see everything as a death trap now.

{two} The Husband and I, along with our neighbors, are currently obsessed with watching Eureka on Netflix. Have you seen it? In. Love.

{three} I am on DAY FOUR OF NO SUGAR! And surprisingly (or not) I feel physically way better. Way way better. Ummm, why didn't I do this before? Oh right, because mentally all I can think about is cake.

{four}I am giddy excited for the new year. I love a blank new calendar. I love New Years resolutions. I love the feeling of a fresh start. I love the thought of organizing my house. I love the thought of new workout plans. I could just go on and on and on...

{five}These quotes have been working their way into my brain lately and rocking my world a bit. Will they do the same to you?

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Happy Thursday, friends! Hope you're having a relaxing week :)

3 Years Ago

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

3 Years Ago....this happened:

:)

I am so thankful for that day! And so thankful that we are still going strong, still growing, still learning, and most importantly...still loving.

I love you, babe. Happy engagement-versary!

Some New Years Goals

2011-12-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

Okay so I know plenty of people who say "New Years Resolutions are so stupid, no one ever does them" and "shouldn't we be making positive changes all year long?" and the like. I agree with the later. Sometimes I also agree with the former. However, this doesn't mean that I'm not going to set some goals for the New Year (perhaps I should set one of better grammar? that sentence seems wonky..).

I like setting goals, so why not take advantage of a reason to set some goals? I love goals! Also, looking back at my goals from last year I achieved one out of three. Which I think is pretty good considering that a month and a half later I gave birth and at the time of writing my goals I had no stinking idea how hard my goals were going to be to keep. So I will say I was very very successful with my one goal!

Anyway here are some of my goals working on this New Year. Some are vague, but trust that I have things in mind for them that you may or may not hear about at a later date. :)

1) Eat more real food and far less junk.

2) Read books on your own bookshelf.

3) Read The Bible daily.

4) Work out more days than I don't.

5) Be more present.

6) Be intentional about relationships.

7) Pray more.

8) Discover our passions and reach for our dreams.

9) Submit.

10) Create.

11) Simplify.

12) Finish what I start..

found by Katie on pinterest via weheartit

Simply put, in 2012 I want to make it my goal to truly LIVE.

What are your goals for 2012?

6 Months...

2011-12-26T09:44:00.000-05:00

Well, the celebrating has been fun, the presents are opened, the tree has been deconstructed (not a moment too soon, says the mother of a child who was constantly ALL UP IN THE TREE all season...), the stockings have been placed back in their box, the toys are everywhere, and the goodies have all been devoured.

And speaking of goodies, I have a major announcement coming your way today. Major. Life changing. Shocking.

Let's get the back story out of the way first.

My good friend Laura recently wrote a post that inspired me. As I read I felt like I was reading about myself. I felt like she was echoing back to me something I had known for a long time. A long time.

I have a problem with my sugar intake. It is unreal. I have no concept of moderation, it is just not working for me.

So as of today I am not eating sugar for 6 months.

I will not let a bite cross my lips until June 26th.

Yeah. Big stuff! (especially for me!)

This means for me that I will not be eating or drinking any sugar that is not naturally occurring. So no soda, sugared juices or lemonades (goodbye Sonic drinks!), sugary yogurt, cookies, candy, cake, desserts in general, donuts, breakfast cakes, muffins, etc. Excuse me while I mourn for a moment.

But really, I think this is going to be really really really good for me. To let go of my dependence to the sugar monster. To really make a big change in my life and in my diet.

I'm ready!

Encourage me in this?

Look Deeper

2011-12-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

As I watch friends and family get caught up in the surface of what is the "Christmas season" in the US of A, I just would love to encourage you today to go a little deeper. Looking at the surface of the mess of a house yet to be cleaned, gifts yet to be wrapped, cookies left to be baked, Christmas cards littering various surfaces of your home, a haphazard (emphasis on the hazard for those of us with little ones) tree.....well, that can leave you feeling a little tired, a little crazy, a little stressed.

But what if we take a second to look deeper.

The house is a mess, but I have a roof over my head and a warm bed when so many people do not. Not to mention those that love me best won't mind the mess.

There are gifts I haven't wrapped, but that means I have sweet loved ones to buy for and the money (or creativity if that's your route!) to do so.

There are cookies left to be baked, but that means that I have the opportunity to have food on the table, friends and family to share food with, and maybe friends and family that can help me finish that baking!

Let those Christmas cards that are scattered about bring thankfulness to your heart when you think of all the families and friends old and new that God has brought into your hearts and lives this year.

The Christmas tree may not look like it comes out of a catalog, but does that really matter? That tree is yours. And maybe for a second, you will allow yourself to look at that tree, and think about Jesus, whose birth we are celebrating this season, and think about how He came to rescue us, to be nailed to a tree to save us.

Don't forget to look deeper this Christmas season. Don't miss out on the real gifts, those that cannot be wrapped in paper.

Merry Christmas.

In 3 Days We...

2011-12-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

Cleaned a few hundred times.

Shopped a little.

Wrapped a little.

Finished Christmas preparations!

Watched a little girl turn {double digits! gasp!} months old and took pictures of her because of it.

Cooked yummy food.

Relaxed.

Wandered over to the neighbors' regularly.

Went on a date.

Ate too many Christmas sweets.

Had a lazy morning (or two).

Whined and cried a lot because of teething (the baby of course).

Enjoyed a lot of coffee (not the baby of course ;)).

Cuddled.

Watched a Christmas movie or two or three.

Sang songs.

Took naps.

Baked some cookies for the fun of it.

Made a big mess in the kitchen.

Talked with friends instead of cleaning it up.

Snuggled by the light of the tree.

Ate more cookies.

Enjoyed life.

How was your weekend?

linking with Carissa!

Simply Amazing

2011-12-17T20:18:00.005-05:00

Have you read this article?

Because if you haven't you need to right now.

Brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.

Love it.

It's Not You, It's Me

2011-12-15T20:40:00.000-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the book of faces. Typically more emphasis on the hate than the love. Let's just be real. I loathe the Facebook bullies, the "my life is sunshine and rainbows" status updaters, the gossip, the people who say too much, the people who only complain, the people who complain about other people complaining (which is probably actually what I'm doing right now...), the drama starters. It all just grates on my last little nerve. I've tried to avoid these things. I've blocked people. I've hidden status updates. I've even taken long Facebook breaks. To no avail. I still hated the stinking book of faces! I was sure that what I was supposed to do was get rid of my account. Get off. Delete. GO AGAINST THE GRAIN! (yep, I even got a little dramatic about it. true story.)

Then I found A Mom Without Facebook. Heather decided to take a year off of Facebook to focus on her life and being a better mother without the time wasting that was happening from Facebook.

What really struck me though was her post about what she learned. She said: "Looking back, it's funny how I used the word time waster. I think that was my clever way in my mind of shifting the blame of my own lack of self-control and instead, acting as the victim in many ways and saying Facebook was responsible." She also said: "I realized in my first months of blogging that I did start to grasp the understanding that it wasn't about Facebook in general, it was about my heart."

I encourage you to read her entire post as it is very good and very insightful. But those words hit me really hard.

Truthfully? It's not Facebook. It's me. I have a short SHORT fuse when it comes to people who irritate me. I have a hard time loving people when they're doing something that bugs me, even if they're not purposely doing it to bug me. (just ask my husband!) I have a hard time loving people who do all those above things.

And that's not Facebook's issue. It's mine.

So I'm sorry Facebook (as if you need my apology!), for blaming you for my problems and issues. I'm sorry for threatening countless times to cancel my account because I have a short fuse and can have a hard time loving well.

Instead of putting things off on Facebook, I'm going to own my part. I'm going to try my best to take those irritated thoughts captive and exchange them for loving ones. I am going to put more emphasis on remembering the grace and forgiveness that Christ has given me, and extend that to others. It is better to love.

It's not you with the problem, Facebook. It's me.

I Love

2011-12-14T08:30:00.000-05:00

I love popcorn and gingerbread.

I love the smell of a cinnamon candle burning.

I love sitting on the couch with a glass of milk and my Bible in my lap.

I love feel good movies.

I love the way Little Bug claps for the Christmas tree when I turn the lights on.

I love a nice shower after a run.

I love a big hug from my man.

I love a good story.

I love a long talk with friends.

I love seeing a reflection of my heart in someone else's.

I love seeing Jesus in moments of my life.

I love this life.

This Christmas

2011-12-13T08:30:00.000-05:00

I've typed out this post several different ways, and all of them seem to end up sounding very "beat around the bush" to me. So I'm just going to flat out say it.

We aren't doing Christmas the way we always have.

We aren't doing Christmas the way our families always have.

We're doing a new thing.

And it isn't about Santa.

I grew up with Santa. We left cookies for Santa, carrots for the Reindeer, and cheese for Santa Mouse. There were presents and stockings galore on Christmas morning and they were from Santa. It was fun! And I'm not saying it was wrong.

But that Christmas is not right for us anymore. It's not right for our family. So we're not doing it! We don't think Santa is evil. We don't think people who do Santa are "bad". It's a choice and we are just choosing not to "do" Santa.

Will our child(ren) know who Santa(St. Nicholas) was? Sure. We will tell her(them) the real story and how people today pretend to be Santa and "do" Santa because of what he did. We will read books that include him, and watch movies that do too (but not as often as we would). It won't be about that at all.

It will be about celebrating the greatest gift of all, the gift of Jesus. It will be about being thankful that we were given that gift. It will be about teaching our child(ren) that the reason that we give gifts to eachother is because we have received the greatest gift of all and now it is about giving gifts to others!

Our child(ren) will not receive oodles of presents from us. They will receive three. If you want to read about the method of what gifts we will be giving you can click HERE. We are using that concept. We want our child(ren) to know that their daddy has worked hard to provide them with presents, because we both love them.

The Christmas season will be more about giving to others out of love than giving to ourselves.

The Christmas season will be more about Jesus than about Santa.

That is how it should be, and that is how we want it. So that is what we have decided this year as a new family of three.

What does Christmas look like at your house?

Lovely

2011-12-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

The cold air surges in and out of my lungs bringing with it both pain and happiness. A run in frigid temperatures makes me feel alive, in spite of the hurt. Even though music pumps into my left ear, the cold wind rushes past my left, and the faint sound of my feet hitting the cement fills the air...it feels silent.

I quietly wish that I could bottle up this scene and send it back in time to a younger me. An 18 or 19 year old me. I wish she could see this.

That her eyes could take in the sunset ahead, dipping behind the trees that line the field before me. That she could watch the brown leaves blow across the sidewalk in front of my feet. Feel the wind filling my lungs. Feel the joy and strength that power my feet as they run.

That she could see the houses lining the streets on either side of me and know that one of them is mine, ours. That she could smell the scent of warm dinners filling the air and know that there is one waiting for me at home. Home.

That she could feel my heart race as I think about my home. That she could know the reason that is. That my husband and my daughter are there. That they are beautiful and more than she ever hoped they would be. That he is not the man that she was holding onto...that man left some time ago, in heartache and pain. I wish she could hear the voice in my head telling her "let go, it is not him. he is yet to come. and when he arrives, you will know."

That she could know that everything that is happening to her ends up feeling so worth it when I hold my daughter in my arms. When I kiss her face and she giggles, it is all worthwhile. God worked it all together for good, just as I was often told, but wasn't always sure how that would look.

I wish she could see that this is my now. My now, is lovely in every way.

My now is worth the pain it took to bring me there.

The thoughts don't travel to her though, they stay in my now. But they anchor there. Reminding me of how far I have come. Reminding me of all the blessings that God has poured into my life. Reminding me to be thankful.

For the things that mean the most are not things. It is this life, this abundant life, His great love for me that He would reach down and rescue me in so many ways, and the people who have helped me to see it all a little more clearly.

Thankful.

Workin on the Fitness

2011-12-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

When you think of the holiday season you probably aren't thinking of fitness. I'm usually not. Unless fitness is something like how many M&M filled cookies I can get to my face. Or those holiday gift tins of popcorn... Seriously, those are like my crack people.

Anyways, I digress! If you don't think of fitness at the holidays (besides how far from it you are), or even during the winter months, I don't think you are alone! But some friends of mine over at Girl Talk are wanting to change that and are starting Fitness Fridays. I love it!

I love it so much in fact, that I'm guest posting over there today! Go check it out, why don't ya? And leave some comment love :)

We Want to Know- Christmas

2011-12-07T07:53:00.001-05:00

Well yall, I'm a little behind on the blog reading this week. Between the hot water heater going out and not having hot water for the past five days (FIVE DAYS), two visits from Mr. Fix-Its, Christmas present shopping, Christmas present making fails, and all the normal stuff that goes a long with having an almost 10 month old, a husband, and a house to take care of....lets just say that reading blogs hasn't been tiptop priority, shall we? ;) So today I will be playing a bit of catch-up with the reading, so I'm just going to post real quick and get on with that. And since the We Want to Know Wednesday (with Mamarazzi, Queso, and Crazymama) questions just looked so fun and holiday inspired this morning, I just HAVE to play along! So join in, link up, and see what everyone else has to say!

What is your favorite cookie to eat?

I think it is impossible to choose ;). But if I had to....a tie between good soft snickerdoodles (read:not the ones I make) or my oatmeal cookies with maybe some Christmas M&Ms on top. YUM YUM.

Have you ever done a cookie exchange?

Nope. I'm a big fan of giving cookies away, I love it! But the thought of having dozens and dozens of other peoples cookies in my house is kind of terrifying. Because I have to eat them because they took all the time to make them, right?

How are you doing on your holiday shopping?

Hahahahaha. Like maybe 25% complete. And potentially that is an overestimation. Whatever. We're keeping Christmas simple anyway so it's not like I have that much left to do. That will be a post for another day.

What is your holiday shopping style? (A little at a time, or power shopper? Early in the season or last minute? Online or part of the crowd?)

A little at a time. This year it might be a little more last minute just because I'm busy with a baby, but hopefully that will not become the norm. Also, I hate crowds, but I'm also not much of an online shopper so I just do my shopping early in the morning during the week. Win, win.

And a random seasonal 3 part question...
Light displays...do you put them on your house? What is your style and your fave kind to see?

We don't. For one, we live in a townhouse, so unless we want to also icicle the 8 peoples houses attached to us it would look really stupid since our roofs are connected. I would love to do some around the windows, but we haven't gotten there yet and probably wont this year. My favorites are the colored lights. I DONT CARE if they're "tacky" as some people say. I LOVE THEM.

Random Acts of Kindness

2011-12-06T08:30:00.000-05:00

Our church is having a 12 Days of Christmas, Service Style from the 1st to the 12th of this month. I LOVE IT. It is so fun to have so many different things going on every day to participate in. Most days have scheduled activities/projects/food drives/etc, but this past Friday was a little different. It was designated as Random Acts of Kindness Day. Each person was encouraged to do a random act of kindness for someone. Let me just say, doing that is life changing, mood changing, just incredible really. So I thought I would compile a list. Some of the things that we have done, mixed with some of the things other church members have done, mixed with other "random" ideas. I encourage you to pick one and do it this week. Spread that Christmas spirit of giving. After all, we have received the greatest gift of all! So why hold back?!

-buy donuts for your office

-rake your neighbor's yard

-shovel your neighbor's walk/driveway

-take cookies to your neighbors

-buy lunch for the person behind you in the drive thru

-leave a nice note in a random place

-buy a Christmas card/leave a gift for your mailman

-buy someone a cup of coffee

-write a 'you are beautiful' note on a public bathroom mirror

-give someone a hug

-supply a listening ear

-offer to babysit

-write a note of appreciation to your sanitation workers

-help someone bring in their groceries
-smile at someone who needs it
-take a canned good to a food bank
-bring a cake to a receptionist somewhere that has been helpful to you
-send a gift basket to someone you have had a disagreement with
-be a big tipper
-leave your spouse a love note

What would you add?
And what will you do?

Go out and be kind!

Just a Human

2011-12-05T16:00:00.000-05:00

Often I am critical. Ask my husband, he can tell you that is the truth. He can also probably tell you that while I am critical with myself plenty, I more often am critical of others. I think it is because in my mind I see my desires. My motives. How I WANT to be. How I am working through things. How I am praying through things. How I am struggling. I can't see that in other people, though. I see only actions, I hear only words. It is hard for me, in anger, to look at the heart. While that is true with my husband, it is also true of others. And it is certainly true of my past.

I have had issues with forgiveness for many years. With many people. Many of whom are "out of my life" now, at least physically. But even if they are gone physically, often with hurt like that, they aren't really gone.

It is something I have been working on in a big way this year. A constant struggle for me, but a struggle that I am seeing the other side of now. The other side is something I thought I would surely never see. But here we are.

I read a lovely post today and the words she wrote stuck out to me: not holding someone to the mistakes they have made in the flesh, but according to their wholeness in the Spirit. That is, in essence, what I strive for. I also am striving to not hold people to standards they don't have. Not everyone believes as I do. If someone does not know my Jesus, how can I expect for them to live like they do? I cannot.

With all this struggle, has come hope. Release. I don't need to hold onto these things anymore.

Neither do you.

Friday Favorites

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday, dear friends! It seems like this Friday has taken forever to get here. I'm exhausted! It's been a two cups of coffee morning around here, and (lately) I haven't been much of a coffee person! I don't think the holiday week helped me to relax at all for some reason, so I'm somewhat thankful to be back in a routine. And thankful that now I know how not to handle Christmas! I will take Thanksgiving weekend (because Thanksgiving day was wonderful!) as a trial run and hopefully it will enable me to make Christmas week more enjoyable, peaceful, and joy filled. Yes please!

Anyway, this Friday I thought I would share some of my favorite things from around the blog world this week!

One of my newest favorites: chatting at the sky. How did I not know of this before? Her writing is gorgeous and draws me in with every word!

A great post about beauty and words: Beautiful Words at Literature is Love. I feel challenged, and I feel like I have learned something. Win win!

Intriguing Twilight read: You Can't Marry a Hot Vampire. Because, just, yes.

Great Mommy encouragement: Leanna's Guest Post at Hope Road. While I'm not a mom of two, or two under two, this post brought so much encouragement to my weary self when I read it. Great, great read.

Something challenging to participate in: Fitness Fridays over at Girl Talk. This week is the "weigh in/taking measurements" week, and then every week someone will write over there about fitness! The challenge is to become stronger and to be a healthier person through making healthy choices and habits. Who is in?

Well, I hope you have a great weekend and get a chance to rest and relax! See you on Monday! :)

What Would You Do

2011-12-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

About a month or so ago, I decided to volunteer at the nursery at church. I figure since Little Bug's separation anxiety has ramped it up into high gear, I will probably spend about 50% of Sunday mornings in there anyway, I might as well make it "official". In order to make it official, I had to fill out a background check form, because that is just what you do at our church. I am so thankful for that, as a parent! I don't want any creepos. For real. Anyways, one of the questions on the background check form really made me think. Is still making me think, obviously, since I'm writing this post! I have no idea why they asked it, because it almost felt out of place, but it is haunting me. HAUNTING ME PEOPLE. It was a little something like this:

If you could do one thing for God, without fear of failure, what would it be?

And you know what is weird? For a while I just stared at the page. I just stared at it. I had no idea where to even begin at first. For some reason I had never really even thought about that question before! And then, after a few minutes of staring, I started writing. The ideas just flowed out of my mind of things I would love to do, or try. Now what I can't get out of my mind is...

WHY NOT?

Why are those things I want just answers on a paper right now? Why is that as far as they go? Why am I afraid of failure in the first place?

Why don't I just do?

I want to find an answer to that question. Try to find a way to step out on something without fear. I can't do everything all at once, but what can I do? Where can I start?

What would your answer to that question be? What would you do for God, if there was no fear of failure in the picture?

Hello, Wake Up Call

2011-11-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

One of my dear friends posted this quote on The Book of Faces and I just need to share it. NEED to. I often make this mistake. Too often. You have seen(read?) me make this mistake. I absolutely needed to hear this. Let this sink into your life, too.

"Martin Luther defined sin as “mankind turned inward.” And sadly, the way many of us think about sanctification is terribly narcissistic. We spend too much time thinking about how we’re doing, if we’re growing, whether we’re doing it right or not. We spend too much time pondering our failure and brooding over our spiritual successes. In short, we spend way too much time thinking about ourselves and... what we need to do and far too little time thinking about Jesus and what he’s already done. And what I’ve discovered is that the more I focus on my need to get better the worse I actually get–I become neurotic and self-absorbed. Preoccupation with my performance over Christ’s performance for me makes me increasingly self-centered and morbidly introspective. This is the opposite of how the Bible describes what it means to be sanctified. Sanctification is forgetting about yourself. Peter only began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on “how he was doing.”"
-Tullian Tchividjian

Guess Who's Back...

2011-11-29T08:30:00.000-05:00

....back again.

Please tell me someone gets the song I'm referencing? Sometimes I get a little carried away. So many things remind me of a song! Especially blog titles.

But really, what is back is probably not super hard to guess if you've ever read this post.

So who's back? Mascara is back. That's who/what. I'm not sure how I feel about it honestly. I can't tell if it bugs me or if I don't care or what. I can't really tell. Every morning when I put it on I think something different.

((readers digest version for those that missed it before: i don't wear any "face makeup" (foundation, concealer, lipstick, blush) but was wearing mascara. so i decided to quit mascara. that post was about that process. you shoudl check that post out though!))

How did the re-entry to mascara-land begin? Well I like to dye my hair because I think it's fun, and I decided for this fall/winter season I wanted to go brown. A dark brown. Now after I did that I decided "whoa, my eyelashes totally make this look fake" and so I started doing the mascara again to help with the matching of my eyeballs to my hair.

Now though, my hair has faded to a lighter brown and I'm still mascara-ing it up. Most days. Not always like before, but most of the time. Even though at this point I could probably (totally) get away with not.

I read my past post and I feel a little convicted. I want to say that my mascara doesn't "own me" anymore like it used to. I really don't think it does, but I don't really have the time to sit down and hash that out with myself. There is just too much to be done.

I'm so thankful for the journey that going "mascara-less" for a while brought me on. My concept of beauty changed and I feel like it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm not sure right now if I will go back to being mascara-free. I'm not sure how I feel, really, at this point! But that's where I am. I just wanted to be real about it!

Monday: Full Day Edition

2011-11-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

Just like we all call the Friday after Thanksgiving, (stupid...yeah, you heard me) Black Friday, I think we should call the Monday after Thanksgiving "Full Day". After days of feasting and leftovers and more leftovers I feel like I may be physically full for the rest of my life. Maybe pretty sick of potatoes in all their forms at this point too. However, more than being physically full I am also full of joy and love and happiness. And isn't that the best part of all?

We spent our Thanksgiving with friends this year and it was amazing. It felt just like family. It was fun and cozy and delicious and I would do it again a thousand times if I could! The little one's played. The adults chatted. The dogs barked and ran in the backyard. We ate too much food, we drank just enough pumpkin spice flavored coffee, savored a few bites too many of pie. We watched some Charlie Brown, and even a little Thundercats. And we even managed to get a good family photo out of it. If that's not a successful Thanksgiving, I don't know what is!

Then on Friday, since the weather was just feeling SO Christmas-y at a brisk (ha. ha.) 70 degrees, we dug out the Christmas decorations and spruced up our little home. There is something so cozy to me about a Christmas tree in the corner, stockings hung with care, and a smell of cinnamon on the air. Sigh. I just love it!

Now that Thanksgiving has said its goodbyes (and I wish the mashed potatoes and turkey in the fridge would do the same!) we are full swing into the Christmas season! So excited for this celebration! And to see it through the eyes of my sweet baby girl for the first time...incredible :)

Hope you had a wonderful weekend as well! What was your favorite Thanksgiving memory made this year?

And in other entirely unrelated news: one of my dear friends has started a blog of her very own. So you should probably hop on over and say hello :) She is lovely!

Happy Monday friends!

linking with carissa of course!

Thankful

2011-11-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

I started out this post with the idea that I was going to write a list for everything I was thankful for. I've changed my mind. For one, that could go on forever and I'm not sure anyone wants to read all the way down the list to where I start naming a billion little things like butterflies and leaves. You're welcome. Also, as I started my list I just kind of had to sit there in awe for a moment.

It is so unreal to me that this holiday season is upon us. Especially this Thanksgiving. In some ways it seems like last year was just a moment ago. In a lot of ways though, it feels like a lifetime. A lifetime ago that my husband was deployed across the world. That I was in Texas with my parents and my sister celebrating the holiday. That I had a little baby kicking and rolling around in my belly. That I was celebrating her with a baby shower.

So unreal.

Because this Thanksgiving, my husband is here in this country. This city even. Tomorrow we will eat some delicious food together. This year we have a 9 month old baby who will play and laugh and eat some green beans with us. We have wonderful friends that will enjoy the day with us as our family, who last year were hardly more than strangers.

This weekend we will turn up the Christmas music and break out the Christmas decorations. I will clean and decorate the same house as last year. Yet it all feels so very very different.

And for that, I am so thankful.

A Little Something

2011-11-22T07:44:00.001-05:00

Good morning ladies! Hope you are waking up to a gorgeous and fun-filled Tuesday! I'm trying to have a good attitude about the fact that it is cloudy and rainy today and am trying to find the beauty in that! Maybe it will make me more productive here at home....one can only hope!

Speaking of attitude though, today I am guest posting over at Girl Talk on that very topic! So I think you should head over HERE right away and check it out.

I'm turning off comments here on today's post, so you will just have to go over there and read and leave me a little comment ;)

And if you're here for the first time from Girl Talk, WELCOME! I'm so glad you are here. Hopefully you'll stick around a while. If you're interested in learning more about little ol me, feel free to check out this post.

Have a great day yall!

Dear Monday 11.21

2011-11-21T09:06:00.001-05:00

Oh my word, it's MONDAY. Which means Dear Monday with Megan! (and linking with miscellany monday, of course!)

Dear Monday, I met you this morning much earlier than I would have liked, but you have already started off quite nicely. For some reason you always motivate me to be super productive after a day of relaxation. Hitting the ground running today, and I like it!

Dear Rain, Rain, go away. I don't need your sprinkles on my head during my run this evening. Please, and thank you.

Dear Hubby, you are wonderful. I cannot thank you enough for putting up with my crazies and loving me anyway. Even though we didn't get to see you much this weekend, I'm glad that you work so hard to provide for us. I'm so proud of you.

Dear Couch to 5K, thank you for making me a runner. I MADE IT THROUGH your 20 minute (STRAIGHT, YALL) run on Friday. And I finished with a huge smile on my face and not tears! I was even so pumped up that I sprinted the last minute! Awesome!

Dear Little Bug, it is amazing to me how big you are getting. You even stood by yourself for a few seconds this weekend! You have the biggest personality and you are so much fun. It is going to be amazing sharing even more holiday traditions with you. I love you.

Dear Holiday Season, I suppose it is okay for you to start now. I think I am ready.

Happy Monday, friends!

oh, and if you're feeling a "case of the Mondays" coming on, you should go check out mingle monday and check out some fun blogs :)

Earlier

2011-11-18T15:24:00.001-05:00

Earlier I wrote a post about how I met Jesus.

At the end of the post I made a typo that I have since fixed, but wanted to make sure I really put this out there.

Towards the end of the post I had written, "While things are all of a sudden "perfect" for me now, I now have a different perspective on the hard times. While it is not always smooth sailing, I always know that He is there with me."

Quite obviously I meant to say "While things AREN'T all of a sudden "perfect" for me now, I now have a different perspective on the hard times."

No one has a perfect life. I would hate to give you the illusion that because you come into a relationship with Jesus your life will be perfect. There are plenty Biblical examples of the fact that isn't the case. We are never promised a life of ease. We are promised His love, and His prescence.

I just wanted to make that clear because something that really upsets me is people who feel like God has forsaken them because things are going wrong or bad in their life. I don't believe that to be true at all, and I think some Christians create the illusion that because you know Christ your whole life will be perfect and smooth sailing forever. I don't believe we are promised that. I believe we are promised life eternal with him. I believe we are promised His peace through the hard times.

Thanks for letting me get that out!!

No Greater Love

2011-11-18T10:30:00.000-05:00

before I say anything, I would love you to read this post if you haven't already. i just love what carissa wrote, it stirred my heart and I think it needs to be shared!

This week I haven't been very good with this whole blogging thing. My mind has been a lot of other places and writing isn't something I've felt motivated to do. I'm getting there, though, so thank you all for bearing with me! Yesterday Callie hosted a link up about Salvation Stories and how we got to know Jesus. I think it is awesome, and we all share how we met our husbands, but not usually how we found the most important relationship in our lives! So I'm going to participate (late, because that's how this week is going!).

My story begins when I was a little girl. My family went to church, but that doesn't mean that I was a Christian. The church we went to was a little bizarre as they were a Presbyterian ("Christian") church, but they actually fired people because they "talked too much about Jesus and that He is the only way". Awful, I know! So needless to say, while we went there often and I knew of Jesus, I did not come to know Jesus there.

When I was in 7th grade we moved from Ohio to Texas that October. It was the end of the world for a 7th grader. To leave all your friends and move across the country to somewhere completely different (for those of you who don't know Texas has a "culture" all it's own!). It was a nightmare. I felt so angry, I felt so alone. We found a church rather quickly there and after not too long my parents forced me to go to youth group to meet some friends (I was homeschooled at the time). I met a few great friends, and I met some adults who really helped me make the transition. I really truly learned about Jesus and what it was to have a relationship with him.

That year on Christmas Eve, I had a meltdown. I didn't want to be in Texas. It was hot. It didn't feel like Christmas. I was so upset! I went up to my room and cried and cried. I had recently begun a devotional book and instead of despair, the words in that book started going through my head. That Jesus was there. That He was what I needed to get through. I prayed that night and accepted Jesus as my Savior and began a relationship with Him.

That was the beginning, but the road was not easy for me from there. Between 8th grade and 11th grade I went on mission trips. I was very active in youth group. I was pressing forward in my faith. My senior year of high school, however, things started to take a spiral. Our church went through a terrible time (scandalous, really) and many people left the church, my family included. We started going to a new church, but at that point I just couldn't find my place and only went sparingly, if at all. I started dating a boy who I had thought was amazing "forever". I lost myself in that relationship, instead of focusing on the one relationship I needed to find myself in.

My life started getting out of control. I started doing things I shouldn't have been. Drinking things I shouldn't have been. I let that boyfriend convince me of things that I shouldn't have. He had gone to the "old church" as well and I believed him to be a strong Christian. So I let him convince me that some things were right for me, that they were okay. Looking back, I don't believe that God ever wanted those destructive things to ever be apart of my life. But I was so lost in that relationship, I would just accept anything. I turned into an angry person. I was hateful and hurtful. I was mean to everyone, including the boy I was dating. My family and I weren't getting along at all. I still wore the "I'm a good Christian" facade though, which disgusts me. Maybe if I had been honest it wouldn't have gone on for so long.

My first year of college I got engaged to that boy at only 18. The engagement was broken off by 19. I was in a whirlwind of hurt and anger. Instead of turning to the Lord, I turned to more destructive relationships, some physical. For some reason I thought that a relationship would make me feel better, but it didn't.

Somewhere along the line though, I started to get my life back. To get my relationship with Him right. I started being more consistent with going to church. I made amends with my family. I went to counseling to work out my issues from the broken and messed up relationship. I started to dive into persuing more of a relationship with Jesus through a daily devotional (Get Out of That Pit, by Beth Moore...I highly recommend!). One of my good friends offered me an internship with youth at a church in the town I was going to college in. I took it. I think that forever changed my life. It gave me purpose. It gave me accountability. It gave me strong Christian mentors to guide and lead me. It renewed and refreshed my life. It helped me to really and finally renew my committment to my relationship with Jesus. I grew so much there.

During that time I met and was engaged to my husband. Shortly after we were married. My "boss" from the church married us. Not long after we moved across the country. We struggled to find a church here, but have since found a church where we truly belong. We had our sweet daughter. We have made friendships that strengthen us in our faith. I have tried my very best to make my relationship with Jesus the priority in my life and words cannot even express the difference that has made in my perspective, and in my life.

I know for certain that the road traveled with Him is the one I want to be on. I want to walk with Him forever, closely. Through all the trials of moving, of being pregnant, of being pregnant having a deployed husband, of having a baby, of dealing with military life...He has seen me through. He has comforted me. Held me as I cried. Given me strength. There is a fullness and richness to my life now that would not be possible without Him. I love Him so much!

While things aren't all of a sudden "perfect" for me now, I now have a different perspective on the hard times. While it is not always smooth sailing, I always know that He is there with me. I know that He will never forsake me, that He loves me, and that He is always there. And that makes all the difference.

If you have any questions at all about my testimony or about having a personal relationship with Jesus, please feel free to comment or send me a private email (theamazingintheordinary{at}hotmail{dot}com. I would love to talk to you and will try to answer your questions as best as I can!

Monday Randoms

2011-11-14T09:23:00.001-05:00

At this point today I feel like my mind is going in a thousand different directions. I know there are things that I need to say and need to post about, but I really need to go through them in my head better first. They're all swirling around in there and a "real" post would get a little crazy, I can just feel it. And at some point I'll figure out all this business in my brain and get it out on paper/computer screen. But untill then...randoms it is.

{one} Last week I got a sewing machine! Now, let it be known that the last time I used a sewing machine was probably 13+ years ago...but nevermind that. I'm hoping I will be able to figure it out well and really be able to do this thing! I've already made Little Bug a bib, and while it is pretty horrible, it could have been much worse. Practice makes perfect, right?

{two} I'm still doing the C25K program and I'm now beginning week 5. WEEK 5!!! OF RUNNING! Who am I? Also, this week is the week where I have to run 20 minutes straight (on Friday) so you could just go ahead and start praying for me now. That would be fabulous.

{three} Speaking of running, anyone with horrible ankles out there who runs? What do you do to help yourself out? My husband is going to start wrapping my ankle before I go so hopefully that helps.

{four} Speaking of my husband, there are sneaky Christmas plans going on up in this house and it is making me very anxious! Think, random sneaking out of the house to go on "mystery errands" and tabs on the computer that say "KATIE DON'T CLICK OR YOU WILL RUIN EVERYTHING!" It's a good thing I am honest and true and won't click on those things. I must admit though, that it is tempting. I'm so curious!

{five} Christmas. I'm still avoiding the decorations. I walk quickly past in the store. I refuse to listen to the station that is ALREADY playing Christmas music on the radio. I will have A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving on repeatedly for the next week and a half. I love Christmas as much as the next person, but Thanksgiving needs its time people. It is still a holiday. Quit trying to skip it!

{six} We're trying to get rid of some of our old DVDs and I have realized that I have an embarrasing taste in movies/TV. Jon & Kate plus 8 and Bend it Like Beckham anyone? My lands, I don't think anyone is ever going to take those off of our hands. Sigh. Blog giveaway?? hahahhaha. Don't worry, I'm kidding. I hope.

{seven} I hope you have a happy Monday, friends. Get out there and get things done! And smile at a stranger, it will make you feel better too. :)

Mud in the Water

2011-11-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

I have decided to cut gossip out of my life. It is obnoxious, I am finding. Not to say I was the world's largest gossip before, but I will be honest and say that I have both initiated and involved myself in conversations about others where I should not have. Just being real.

I have noticed though, that those conversations don't lead anywhere good. They lead to me wondering whether or not the people I'm talking to talk crap about me too behind my back. They lead me to feeling something for the person we're talking about that I probably never would have felt had I not known this "vital information" that I shouldn't even know in the first place.

It's just all so screwed up! And so unnecessary!

So I'm quitting. I'm not going to ride the gossip train anymore. In making that decision though, there is something I have noticed: Facebook sometimes can make the waters of "is this gossip? or is it not?" a little muddy.

Someone posts a status for the whole world to see. Maybe it's even a comment, but we all know how Facebook is, we can all read just about everything anyone writes. That information is out in the world, common knowledge. Everyone knows. And sometimes that then becomes a conversation piece between two people that are not involved.

"Oh did you see Mary's (not a real person I know) status where she said that? what did you think of that?"
"Joe (still not a real person I know) said blahblahblah to Patty (still not a person I know) and she's mad about it."
etc. etc. etc.

And I begin thinking, well it's common knowledge. It's out there because they put it out there. It's out there because they chose to tell everyone. So it's not gossip, right?

I've come to the conclusion that the answer to that question is: wrong.

My conclusion is: it is wrong for me to talk about that? yes. should that person be surprised that there are people talking about it? no.

That person has no right to complain about others talking about their business that they themselves put out into the universe. Case and point why I think people need to keep their fights, breakups, divorces, etc OFF THE DARN FACEBOOK.

But do I need to talk about something that I have no right to talk about because it doesn't even involve me? no. Not to mention, I don't know the whole story. Never do I know the whole story.

So those are my thoughts on no gossip right now. It's going to be a challenge cutting out both talking and listening to it, but I know this is what I need.

It's important. Vital.

Join me?

Oh, and stop posting your personal crap on Facebook. Don't tempt people to talk about you.

What If.

2011-11-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

I saw this little "survey" or whatever you call it over at both Life with the Edwards and Thankful for Second Chances and I just loved it. Not too short, not too longs.

Not to mention very nice for days when I just want something fun and not hard to think about to post.

Which is today for me, if you haven't noticed.

On with it!

What if I were to get pregnant? I would probably hyperventilate first. Uhm, I have an 8 month old, yall. The days of newborn not sleeping and having an aching c-section scar are still fresh in my memory. OH SO FRESH. After my hyperventilating, I would be happy mixed with a little spaz probably. I would know for sure that the Lord had planned that though! For. sure.

What if I could have any job in the world? I have my dream job. Being a stay at home mommy and a wife is my dream job. Although, if we could swing it so I could be an ice cream taste tester from home and also someone who is crafty and sells what she makes for some serious moolah (and yes that means that I need to become crafty first)...that would be wonderful. This is fantasy land, right?

What if I had a day to myself? I would probably just sit for the first hour and soak in the sweet sounds of silence. Then I would get some new clothes. And then maybe get my hair done. Maybe take a really long uninterrupted shower. Oh and take my time getting ready. We are still in fantasy land, obviously.

What if I could get married all over again? No thanks. I mean in the sense of "Oh my love, I would marry you all over again!" Then yes of course, I love my husband and I love being married. Another wedding? HECK TO THE NO. Thankyouverymuch. I am just not a wedding person. Just being real with you. I am just not. I loved it the first time but I would not want to have a repeat. Wearing a big heavy dress was a one time event for me, the end.

What if I could live anywhere in the U.S.? I would like to try out a few things. The country somewhere. Wyoming. Colorado. Vermont. Hawaii. Mix it up a bit. Oh and if we're still in fantasy world I would like movers to box and ship all of my things in the time it takes for me to fly to my new home destination.

What if I were to have more children? We would love that! We aren't sure how they will be brought into our family, but we will have more children one of these days.

What if I could have any talent in the world? CRAFTINESS. I'm attempting to develop this in myself as we speak. Somewhere my mother is rolling her eyes because she knows how well this typically ends...

What if you met me in real life? I think you would like me :) Sometimes it takes me a bit to warm up, but really I think I'm pretty easy to meet. I don't know, you'll have to ask Laura, she can tell you!

What if I went back to school? I don't know. I have a social work degree to finish. Really not sure if I will ever do that or not. We shall see.

What if money weren't an object? Oh. my lands. I would first pay off our college debt and our cars and then I would maybe buy us a house. And pay for Little Bug's college. And save a lot? Or is this money all mine in savings anyways? I'm not sure how this is working.

What if I could meet one celebrity? No thanks. I'm not really a "want to meet a celebrity" person.

What if I could only shop at one store for the rest of my life? Target. They have everything.

What if I could choose an animal/pet? I suppose we will keep our dog even though she makes me crazy.

What if I could go on a trip right now? I wouldn't. Maybe in a month I would. I am not spontaneous in the least.

What if I had to choose between a house cleaner and a professional chef? House cleaner. Hands down. No contest.

What if I had the option to get plastic surgery? Nope. Things on my body are where they should be for a reason. I have baby battle scars and I am proud of those. I have worked to get my body in the shape it is in. I am not a fan of fake. I am a fan of having the body God has given me. Scars and saggy-er boobs and all.

This Ain't a Fairytale

2011-11-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

For not liking country music, Taylor Swift sure is influencing my blog titles lately, isn't she? Ugh. I can't help it that sometimes her lines are just too catchy.

After writing our love story last week I had three thoughts.

#1. I love all of you for your kind words and excitement over the whole thing. It was so fun to see your perspective of things and I just loved it. So fun!

#2. It was really nice getting to go back and think about how it all started. It was fun to remember what everything was like when it was new and we were just being brought together. So romantic, and sweet. And when there was a lot less craziness going on. Which is where the number three comes in...

#3. Writing out our love story really got me thinking most on the fact that while we are still very much in love, and still very much together....real love, true actual love, is not some fairytale la-la-la nonsense.

I wanted to make sure to address that, because after reading romance-y love stories and such like that sometimes it has made me discontent with real life. Or worry what is wrong with us.

Or wonder why I don't float around the room on rose petals my husband has sprinkled lovingly under my feet as I smell the flowers he bought me and eat the chocolates he bought and the strawberries he went out and picked with his own hands while we dance around the living room to "our song" (which we don't have one by the way) and then I have a bubble bath drawn for me and sleep 13 hours a night.

Seriously, that is not real life. If someone is leading you to believe it is, then they are not very honest and are very fake because it doesn't work like that. Unfortunately I think that is a misconception that a lot of people have though, and it has been brought to light frequently recently with the whole Kardashian shenanagins (and really, can't we just say the majority of celebrities in general).

I wonder if divorce is so prevalent because we live in a world where everything should look like a movie and your husband should romance you every hour of the day and if he's not well then he just doesn't appreciate you right and

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I think it is so much more important to choose to live in reality and not in fantasy land. Where we know that people are imperfect. That we shouldn't hold people (our husbands especially) to a standard that they cannot reach because it is unattainable. Where we choose to respect and love eachother anyway even when things are annoying or chaotic and HARD. Because real love is hard sometimes, because real love takes place in real life where real hard things are happening all the time. True love often has to be fought for, because there are a lot of things in life that are out to tear a marriage down.

I would much rather have a love that is real. That has faced the uglies and came through them stronger. That has weathered storms and basked in sunshine. That has laughter and tears. I wouldn't have it anyother way.

So yes, we are still in love. Our love story continues to be written. Now it just includes a little less swoony romance and a lot more poopy diapers and sleep deprivation than before. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Because this is real.

Anyway

2011-11-06T10:41:00.003-05:00

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered, forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives, be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you, be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous, be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow, do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough, give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” – Mother Teresa

We Didn't Date: Part 4

2011-11-04T09:30:00.000-04:00

(if you missed it, see part 1, part 2, part 3)

(also, if you're super sick of these posts, this is the last one. so we'll back to other things on Monday.)

(but how can you possibly be super sick of these posts??? I mean, come on, you have to admit, they're pretty cute...)

(ok no more parenthesis.)

The day after Christmas I climbed into my car and started the drive to see my man. I was going to spend the day with his family and then we planned to drive back to my family's house for a few days so he could meet them.

The whole way there in the car I felt like I was going to puke. My stomach was flip-flopping. My nerves were insane. I was shaking. I was probably speeding. A few times I thought about turning around. I am ridiculous.

When I arrived in town he let me know he was at Whataburger off the highway grabbing his family breakfast so for me to stop by so he could see me before his family did.

Our first hug and kiss were in the Whataburger parking lot.
We went and hung out with his family and had lunch together. It was a good time, and they were so very nice to me, a girl they had never met! That evening we headed back towards my parents'.

We stayed at my family's for a couple days (in rooms not too close to eachother and I'm pretty sure my dad slept between them LOL) and then decided to head up to the town where we had both gone to college (well, I was still going there) to see some friends. We especially wanted to have lunch with R to thank him for bringing us together!

The evening of December 28th, 2008 we drove up to my apartment in that sweet small city. We got all of our junk out of the car (my man would be going back to FL from the bus station in town a few days later) and into my living room. I got his Christmas present out of my bag and handed it to him.

It was a movie (my favorite, Run Fatboy Run...duh!).

He asked me to close my eyes so he could get mine out of his bag without me seeing. I'm sure I rolled my eyes, but I did it.

When he told me to open my eyes, I looked down and saw:

And I said yes :)
(And thought my present choice suddenly seemed SUPER lame!)

One month later my man moved on to his first station. It was only four hours away from where I was going to college.

Five months later (May of 2009), we were married.

Shortly after we moved across the country together.

June of '10 we found out I was pregnant.

Now we have 2.5 years of marriage under our belt and an 8 month old daughter in our arms!

Thanks for following along and being a great audience for "our story". And see? We didn't date. Not one ounce of it.

And we love it that way :)

We Didn't Date: Part 3

2011-11-03T10:00:00.000-04:00

(see part 1 and part 2)

After that first letter, our mailbox saw letters from Chicago arrive fairly often. My dad always got really excited about the military stationary. I did too, but tried not to make too big of a deal over it. He was going to live far far far away forever anyways, after all.

He wrote me about his days. What was happening for him. That he was happy to get letters from someone back home and that he was glad I was writing him.

I stopped dating R. It just wasn't working out right, and we didn't want to force it.

After that sweet military man got out of bootcamp and went to school, he messaged me on Facebook again. This time he asked me if he could call me. I remember looking at my friend who I lived with and telling her that I didn't know if I should give it to him because it might be weird, or hard to talk to him on the phone. She told me to just try and if it was weird just to never talk to him again.

So I did. That night we talked for two hours.

A week or two later, in early September of 08, one of his friend's added me on Facebook. A few days after that he Facebook chatted me and said, "Hey, you're the girl friend right?" I picked up the phone immediately and asked him if he was saying that to people. He said no. Then added "....but would you be?"

I said yes.

From that day on we talked every single day for at least an hour and a half. Rarely less. He snuck into his closet, the stairwell, anywhere that we could have an uninterrupted conversation. For months. We talked about everything. He knew me better than anyone else, ever. And I, him.

It was love. Truly. Based on our hearts alone. We had never even touched.

We talked about the future sometimes. Where he would be. Where I would be. What we would do. That we wanted to be together, then. Always.

One weekend in October I sat across the table from my parents and told them that I was going to marry that man. That I didn't know when, but I was. Just to let them know. ;) My dad asked how I knew that, and I said I just did.

That December, my man had Christmas leave. The day after Christmas we would finally see eachother, for the first time in 7 months. For the first time in our relationship. I couldn't wait.

(to be continued)

We Didn't Date: Part 2

2011-11-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

(to see the part 1, click here)

"You are not supposed to show me things like that!" I yelled, and tossed the phone back at R. He started laughing and said "Oh, relax. It's fine." And wouldn't stop smiling at me.

After the three of us got back to R's momma's house we hunkered down in the living room to watch some trashy reality TV marathon (Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. seriously, the things I remember are unreal! haha) and talk and laugh and make fun of the show. The guy that stood me up sent me a message to say he got caught up in another city with something. I ignored it. The night had turned out okay anyway, and I didn't really care what he had to say anymore.

I stayed at R's for hours and then went back to my friend's apartment to rest. It had been a good night.

After I drove back home to where my parent's house was, I talked to R's friend regularly over facebook chat. He was nice, and we had some in common. He was going into the military and I found that interesting so we talked about that quite a bit.

A few days before he was supposed to leave for bootcamp, he asked me what I thought of him. I told him I thought he was nice, but I didn't really know him that well. He said he would like my address for the summer so he could write to me while he was at bootcamp. I gave it to him while rolling my eyes a little.

Then he told me, "I just want you to know, that the only girls I'm writing are my grandma, my mom, and you."

That night I told my best friend that I wished he wasn't leaving. That he seemed really nice, but that I knew even though he said he would write he wouldn't. And if he did he would get stationed somewhere else and it was pointless.

Then he left. I held onto my belief that he was gone forever. I started dating R.

Then a few weeks later on the way back from the mailbox my sister handed me a letter that was for me. Printed on military stationary.

(to be continued)

We Didn't Date: Part 1

2011-11-01T09:30:00.000-04:00

And now for the post that you all demanded yesterday. ;) The post about the fact that my husband and I didn't date!

What is up with the saying pins and needles anyway? Seriously, the sayings I question when I see them in writing/typing as I get this blog together. Why do we say so many weird things? And why do I constantly digress so much??

Anyways, if you're just tuning in, on Monday I wrote a post about random facs you may not know about me (fifteen to be exact) and one of them was that my husband and I never dated. And that was not an exaggeration. Not one date. Not one awkward conversation over coffee at Starbucks. Not one weird movie. Not one winter ice skating date. Nothing.

The story? Well I'm just going to have to break it up for you or else its going to get long. I'm wordy sometimes, if you haven't noticed. ;)

It was the end of May of 2008. I had gone back up to the small Texas town where I went to college to stay with a friend. Just for the weekend, because I had a date with a fellow I had been out with a few times. My friend also had a date that night so we were doing the girly thing and getting ready together.

It was date time. As it got later and later, it was becoming evident that I was getting stood up. It was storming pretty severely, so my friend and her date waited with me a bit...but it was getting obvious that he wasn't coming. I told them to go, but they wouldn't leave me alone in the horrible weather. So she demanded that I call a guy friend of mine, R, whose family lived in town to come sit with me.

So I did. He told me he would come spend time with me, but that he had plans to hang out with a friend so his friend would have to come too. I said that was fine, because it didn't really matter as I was mad I was getting stood up and didn't want to die alone in a storm. Alone. And did I mention, dateless??

R showed up and we ran and grabbed some dinner at a drive-thru (McDonalds, it's weird the things you remember) and came back to my friends apartment. Only to find out I had locked us out.

In a storm. With tornados.

So we did what any wise college students would do and sat down on the covered steps outside the apartment and ate our McDonalds. R's friend stopped by a little bit later and we all sat watching the rain, talking and laughing. Probably about what a smart girl I was. ;) It ended up that I had met his friend two years before at a church I had gone to with my fiance at that time. He and his girlfriend at the time were in our Sunday School class.

photo from that night

After a while, R decided we should probably go back to his mom's house and get out of the rain so I hopped into R's car and his friend hopped into his own.

As we were driving off, R's phone chimed with a text message. "Well, looky here! He just sent me a text." he said, and handed the phone over to me, grinning.

"Dude, you are so right. She is really cute!"

(to be continued)

Fifteen.

2011-10-31T09:00:00.000-04:00

I was inspired by my friend Kerri at Sew.What. to write a post of Fifteen Things You May Not Know About Me.

From the title did you think I was going to write a post about that Taylor Swift song? Please. Country music is like nails grating on a chalkboard to me. I take out my earphones while I'm running if a country song comes on. I know, why the heck is on the ipod in the first place? Well, for one, it is my husbands. And for two it's a no-name mp3 player, thankyouverymuch. Also, you're probably wondering why I don't just change the song, but I actually don't know how because the farthest I've gotten is changing the volume, combined with the fact that I'm running, combined with the fact that I run with it stuffed down the side of my sportsbra under my armpit and as fun as it sounds to try and get that contraption out while I'm running without exposing the neighborhood to mahgoodies, nothankyou.

Hello longest digression ever. What was this post about? Right, things you may not know about me.

15. See above.

14. My favorite movie is Run Fatboy Run. Followed by Once. Followed by that Thing You Do.

13. My husband "made" me watch Ah! Zombies! this weekend (in the spirit of Halloween I guess). I didn't hate it.

12. Celebrity news makes me angry. Its existence, not just the content.

11. I had to force myself to not buy a bag of Milk Duds to hand out today or I would eat. them. all.

10. My husband and I never actually dated.

9. I am bad at remembering to put on socks.

8. I think dark chocolate is sick-nasty.

7. My first concert was Audio Adrenaline.

6. I had a poster of JC Chasez on my wall through all of Jr High. I know.

5. I smile at everyone I see in every store I go to.

4. I have been to four different foreign countries.

3. My dream to be a construction worker (see Friday's post) lasted until about 4 years ago. Be outside all the time? Be able to be a tough girl (tomboy complex)? Be strong? Be different? Sign me up. I'm serious.

2. I hate tea.

1. Sometimes I talk too much.

;)

linked with miscellany monday as usual!
and Mingle Monday :)

Blank

2011-10-28T14:14:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted today, so putting real deep kind of thoughts onto paper/computer screen just isn't happening for me...but I still have the desire to post sooo...

That is where Fill in the Blank Friday comes in!

Hopefully I will get some sleep this weekend, eat some yummy halloween type goodies, and be back to 100% functioning capabilites on Monday. One can only hope!

1. When I was a kid I wanted to be a vet (until I learned about the, you know, blood and surgery part), a teacher, a secretary, or a construction worker when I grew up.

2. As an adult, my dream job would be a mama and wife, I am living my dream job! (and I'm not just saying that!) .

3. W hen I was younger I wanted to be just like ...probably myself...I was a stubborn opinionated child, what can I say. Probably still am that way .

4. The childhood Halloween costume that I remember most was when I was picnic. My mom cut a hole for my head in a tablecloth and hotglued plates, cups, plastic ants, and plastic food on me. Pretty sure I ended up wearing it over my snow suit..ohhh Halloween in Ohio.. .

5. My favorite childhood toy was to play with, Barbies (I know) but I always slept with my teddy bear, Teddy (so original right?) .

6. The time I got into the biggest amount of trouble when I was a kid was when I I can't remember, probbaly because I got in trouble fairly regularly. My mom would say "oh you weren't bad, you just had problems with authority!" Gotta love her sweet heart!

7. I get daily inspiration from God, my daughter, my husband, friends, pinterest, blogs, nature.

What I'm LOVING

2011-10-26T08:30:00.000-04:00

I am a follower of Christ.

Normally though, I'm not much the fan of what is labeled as "Christian" music. I think it is repetitive. I find it to often be cheesy. I often wonder where the beautiful artistry is. I often wonder why "secular" music gets all the good lyricists.

I know that sounds harsh, but it is how I feel often.

Until.

I heard mention of Gungor from a friend on Facebook and I am in love. It is so refreshing. Fascinating. Beautiful. Deep. Passionate.

I adore it, yall.

And because I adore it I have to share it with you of course! This video (which is just them describing their latest album), is what originally made me love them, I mean really, take the time to watch it. I love their hearts.

This song is what I can only describe as hauntingly gorgeous.

And this song, well it is cheerful yet has some powerful lyrics that I just want to scream to the world sometimes...and sometimes need to sing to myself in my head so that I live a better life of love.

Really really what I'm loving this Wednesday! :)

Did You Know?

2011-10-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

Just the other day I was browsing around on the 100 Days of Real Food (which is fascinating by the way!)and discovered something really awesome to do with your Halloween candy!

If you are anything like my family was growing up, you get way too much candy from trick-or-treating on Halloween night. And by way too much I mean that by Christmas (and maybe Easter...) you still have a bucket of Halloween candy sitting in your pantry. If that's not the case for you, than you may be 10 lbs heavier from sneaking your kid's candy (which would probably be me if my babe was old enough to trick-or treat). Or your kid has a sick belly from scarfing so much junk. Maybe you have leftovers because you didn't have many tirck-or-treaters.

Whatever scenario, did you know that you can donate your Halloween candy to the troops? If you follow this link you can read all about it! Also, some dentists participate in this program as well (and give you something in return for your donation), so if you go here and find a dentist in your area you can participate that way as well! How awesome!

I would love it if you would consider doing this. Who doesn't have extra Halloween candy, I mean seriously! And what a great way to give back!

Once again, you can go to this link to read all about it...and I encourage you to scroll down (if you need to even, my computer has a small screen!) to where it says they also take beanie babies/webkins/trolls and read the excerpt from a letter they received from a Marine. Think of all your candy/toy donation can do!

As a military wife, this is really close to my heart...so I would love it if you would go check it out, and post about it if you could!

Happy Tuesday, friends!

This Week I Will

2011-10-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

I am always thinking of what I want to do. Or what I should be doing.

But this week will be different!

Because this week, instead of saying what I want to, or should be doing I am going to write a list of things I will do. I know, I know, it's still basically what I want to do blahblahblah.

Well, in my head changing the want to will and that makes a lot of difference to me!

This week I will:

Spend more time playing and snuggling my baby girl.

Complete couch to 5k week 2.

Do two days of Pilates.

Stretch more.

Drink more water.

Eat less crap.

Hide the candy corn from myself.

Hug and kiss my husband more and tell him more how much I appreciate him for all he does.

Read more.

Get sucked into the endless expanse of the internet less.

Finally enter those stinking million Pampers points into the computer that I haven't done in 800 years.

Smile more.

Relax more.

Realize that a hiccup in the day is not the end of the world.

Laugh more.

Love more.

What will you do this week?

linking with carissa's miscellany monday.

Supermom....NOT.

2011-10-20T13:58:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was one of those days where, just in case I needed some evidence for the fact that I am not supermom, I got it in heaping truckloads.If you are a mom, I'm sure you know the day.

I woke up to my overnight oats that I had tried making for the first time the night before. Disgusting. Now, this probably should have been a sign unto me as my breakfast often sets the tone for my day. (what? yours doesnt? weird...)

The rest of the day wasn't too bad despite some baby puke on the sheets and some overall chaos, but not horrible. Until. OH UNTIL.

I made dinner.

I always make dinner. But tonight was a little crazy. I was running late to begin with. It was a new recipe (for disaster...). During the making of the meal alone I got those little quinoa beads in every nook and cranny around the stove and squash guts all over the (newly cleaned) kitchen counters and floor...and walls.

The meal was served. Only 5 minutes before Little Bug's bedtime.

As she squeeled and whined in the background we took our first bites. I believe the first words spoken were "I hate this!" (by me) Now let it be known I have never made a dish my husband has hated, but his next words were "I'm really glad you said that...because I don't have to."

Dinner brought to you by: Taco Bell.

Now, 15 minutes after Little Bug's usual bedtime I take her up the stairs while my husband goes to grab dinner...walk into her room and....

There are no sheets on the bed. Oh and the mattress pad that I had thrown in the washer earlier is still where I left it. In the washer.

After much apologizing to the whining baby and to my husband who I had come help me while he was on his way out the door, there was finally a bath, bottle, and bedtime.

At one point I even looked at my husband and said, "well with the way I'm going today I suppose we should just all be happy we're alive." After stepping back from the craziness, I think it took that moment for reality to really sink in.

The reality that as much as I like to be in control of everything, I'm not really ever in control...and it only takes one little thing coming loose to unravel the whole thing and show me that. All my control is only a nice little facade created in my mind.

The reality that I need to relax. To let go of my control and to let Him work even in the chaos that I feel is my life sometimes. Because maybe the chaos is something I create as well.

The reality that I shouldn't be so stressed out about little (because they really are little!) things that happen in my life because God has allowed me to see another day. To take another breath. How amazing that is! I should be much more thankful. So very thankful that I am able to laugh with my husband about a (ridiculously disgusting) ruined dinner. So very thankful that I am able to see this sweet face and kiss those chubby cheeks.

And so very thankful that there is a Taco Bell just up the road.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-19T13:02:00.002-04:00

Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see. -Linus - It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

(halloween cake '09)

(yes I'll use any excuse to make/eat cake)

Two years ago we got lost on the way to the big pumpkin patch, but we accidently found a really cute little produce stand that happens to also have a good bit of pumpkins in the fall! This year we thought it would be fun to take Little Bug to the pumpkin patch. We figured we could just do the little produce stand as she doesn't really need the hayride and the petting zoo that is at the big pumpkin patch. She's too little to enjoy that too much yet. (and at $10 for a hayride...no thanks!)

Of course we had to take some pictures!

Excuse my squinty eyes...for some reason I thought it would be better to have them than have sunglasses on for the picture?

My loves. I just adore them! And Little Bug's big grin :)

And isn't he studly by the way? I used to think by the time I was married and having kids my husband would be old and bald with a potbelly, but instead I have a very handsome hubby! Love him!

Our day at the pumpkin patch was so fun. Even if we didn't come home with any pumpkins yet (it's still 80...I didn't want them to rot on the porch!). But we did come home with some great sweet potatoes and some peppers. Yum!

What have you done to celebrate fall?

Jello Legs

2011-10-18T17:28:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Katie who lived in a land in her mind where she thought she was in shape. She thought she was in shape because she carried an almost 20 lb child up and down the stairs all day long. She really thought she was strong and mighty.

Then she walked 3+ miles at the park pushing a stroller.

Then she did the first Couch to 5K run/walk.

Then she did a short pilates workout the next morning.

Then she realized she wasn't really in shape at all.

The end.

I'm thinking of installing something that will carry me up the stairs. I think it might be necessary.

On another (possibly related) note, I have felt like I was going to be sick all day. I feel like all of my food is just sitting in my stomach like a rock. Has anyone experienced this when starting a new workout schedule? Or is it just my food choices? Too many carbs? Or my own bum stomach?

Tomorrow I'm going to try really hard on reforming my eating habits (read: throwing out the cake and eating the fruits and veggies I just bought today) so hopefully that will help. Unless you tell me its normal and it will pass. Please tell me that. But I will be trying to eat healthier anyway.

I want to set a healthful example. And I want to be healthy.

So crinkle cut carrots, here I come!

Think good thoughts and say some prayers for me that I will be able to make it through tomorrows workout and make good choices when it comes to eating.

(Also, if you could call a crane to help get me and my jello legs off this couch, I would just love it.)

Definitely at Couch

2011-10-17T20:10:00.002-04:00

Back before baby and before pregnancy I began the Couch to 5K program with one of my good friends (who is actually a friend from high school, and we now live completely across the country just minutes apart. I know, crazy!). We started out strong and we were really getting into it. About week three, my dear friend found out she was pregnant and we decided to put it on hold. I still went occasionally on my own until two months later when I found out I was pregnant. Then I quit.

(Yes I realize you can still run and exercise while you are pregnant if it is part of you normal routine. Lets just say it wasn't part of my normal routine. And I wasn't about to get all crazy and be an inexperienced runner carrying a baby along with me.)

Well now here I am with an 8 month old. I have lost all the baby-weight (and then some. 12lbs more if you're curious.). But I am not feeling healthy.

At the beginning after having Little Bug I worked out often. At least 4 days a week. I ate...decent. But now I have kind of fallen back into old habits. I'm not sedentary, but I haven't consistently had an exercise "routine" since June. I have eaten one (or one hundred) too many pieces of cake. I just really need to get back into it.

I want to feel healthy again. I want to be FIT. I want to feel really good!

So tonight I started the Couch to 5K over again. It was rough, but manageable, and I'm confident that it will get easier with time and I can handle it. I have never been a runner. I can kickbox and tae-bo and 30 Day Shred it up with the best of them, but running...nope. But I WANT to be a runner.

So here goes :)

I'll be documenting workouts and some eating habits here every so often. Or everyday. I haven't decided. But don't worry, I'll still be posting other things as well, so if you don't want to read the fitness posts you don't have to and I won't hold it against you. I just know that writing it down will help keep me accountable to myself.

Hope you all have had a great start to your week. I would love to know, what are your goals?

Dear Monday 10.17

2011-10-17T14:02:00.001-04:00

I found this super sweet and fun blog hop through Sar over at [life of love]. It is hosted by Megan at Happy Day!

Dear Monday, thank you for being fantastically gorgeous. The 80 degree mark is a little high for this late in the year, but I will take it since your sunshine and breeze certainly make up for it.

Dear Weekend, thank you for being equally sunny and breezy. It made our visit to the produce stand that much more enjoyable. Nothing like picking out your veggies from a farmstand...and nothing like that fresh taste when you eat them!

Dear Husband, I am in awe of your determination and strength to go forth and achieve your dreams and reach your goals. I am so thankful to call you mine. Also, we need to take more photos together as I can't find one that is less than 10 months old with just the two of us!

Dear Little Bug, I am so thrilled to be your mama. Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life through baby kisses, giggles, and hugs. I love watching you grow and discover. You are my sunshine!

Dear Bees of the area, I am glad you think my Little Bug is sweet, I have to agree. But if you could leave her alone next time we're out, I would certainly appreciate it :)

Dear Exercise, could you please be a little more appealing to me. You are in tough competition with that chocolate cake in my fridge, so bring your A-game!

Also linking up with miscellany monday and Mingle Monday!

Have a great Monday lovelies!

Breaking Through

2011-10-16T19:53:00.002-04:00

I've done it!

I think I have finally hit the breakthrough point on this little bit of struggle that I've been going through (wraslin', if you will) when it comes to this here blog.

Praise God!

Really I thought this moment would never come, really and truly. For a second there (okay, lots of seconds) I was pretty sure that I was just going to be hitting the old delete that I am oh so familiar with. End of the blogging era.

I went back, I went forth.

And this evening. Well, I decided to really go forth. To go forth with this blog. In a different way.

I feel light.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am excited. I am seriously jazzed. I know that sounds ridiculous since it is just a blog, but I really feel like I needed to wrestle, to struggle, and to come out on the other side with a different view. A different idea. A different concept of what this blog should look like.

I am thrilled. And I hope you'll keep journeying with me. To keep walking with me as my content expands, changes, grows. As my life changes. And as I invite you along for (some of) the ride.

Ah. How good it feels to break through.

Wraslin'

2011-10-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

I love the word wraslin'. I think because it reminds me of home and southern accents, sweet tea and cowboy boots, rodeos and alligators. Sometimes I actually think that changing my little girl's diapers has turned into somewhat of a wraslin' match, much like wraslin' an alligator. Seriously, people might pay to see the event it has turned into. (or not, too much poo probably). I would pay to watch someone more experienced than me do it, because then maybe I could figure out how not to get said poo on the changing table for the bajillionth time.

But I digress. Or do I?

The thing about wraslin' is that I would almost always rather watch someone else do it. Physically, emotionally, all that. Not to say I like it when people are struggling. I just don't like doing it. I avoid it at most all costs.

Right now though, I'm wraslin. With a lot of things that down the line will probably seem stupid (because lets be honest, they usually do!) and with some things that actually seem that they will be valid years from now. It is frustrating. It is getting on my nerves that no matter what I'm doing, even if I'm just sitting still feeding my daughter, my mind is going a million miles an hour and won't shut up. I would like to turn it off, please. But I can't.

One of the things going in my mind (and I'm really not sure which of those two aforementioned categories this part fits into) is this space.

What am I doing here? What is the point? What am I writing about? What should I be writing about?

See, the thing is. I used to have another blog before this one. Some of you know that, some of you don't. But I wrote about everything. Life. And I ended that because I wanted more time with my family and I didn't want my family's business all out on the internets. But this morning as I was reading through the book I printed off from the old blog I realized I missed that. Do I miss it enough to start again? I don't know. Not even close to knowing.

I know writing what is on my mind like I have been, deep things, I know that was on my heart. But I'm not sure why. Or for how long. I think doubt is creeping in about whether or not anyone wants to hear my deep ramblings. Or if they really need to be shared. That's not a cry for you to tell me I'm wonderful...I'm just being real.

I'm torn between whether if I write about my life if it is fluff and adding to the noise. Or if there is a purpose in that too. (not saying that you are adding to the noise, people, I just mean FOR ME)

Torn between making the blog private and staying public.

Struggle, struggle, struggle.

I'm struggling about the purpose of this place. What I want it to be. What it should look like.

So if you would, pray for me. I know it seems silly to ask to pray about my blog...but I feel like this is a platform. This is my outlet in a lot of ways. And I want it to function at its highest potential.

If you have any wisdom, feel free to counsel.

Thank you for reading this ramble. I just need to get it out there.

On Tomorrow.

2011-10-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of thinking so much on tommorrow.

If you know me well, you know that I am a planner. One of those crazy planner people who needs to have a schedule or else her head might implode. I am also quite a bit of a worrier. And if you have been around me often or read this blog for any point in time, you would probably know that as well. These two things mean I am often thinking about tomorrow.

What am I going to do tomorrow? How can I be better tomorrow? What projects can I complete tomorrow?

Making me dizzy. And a little sick.

A little sick that we (me very much included) live like tomorrow on this earth is always a for sure thing. When it isn't. And when I live like tomorrow is always a for sure thing I tend to forget to be grateful for the littlest things. Like this breath I'm breathing right now. What a gift. When we live like tomorrow is a for sure thing, things don't seem to hold quite as much weight.

If we lived more like tomorrow was not something we were for sure going to be in this place for, wouldn't everything hold so much more purpose? I think we would love more. Love better. Be angry less. I think we would reach out more....because if tomorrow isn't guaranteed for that person either? Don't we want them to know they are loved? Cared for? Wouldn't we want them to know He who loves them more then they can ever imagine?

I want to live with a better perspective. I want to live with more urgency.

There is much work to do.

"today is all you've got now. and today is all you've ever had."
-switchfoot

Connections

2011-10-11T08:30:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been, quite frankly, overwhelmed by connections. Connections between people to be specific. Mostly connections in real life as I have been trying to turn my view outside of the "internet world" and into the "real world". (which you may have noticed as I haven't been around here as often)

I am trying to become more intentional at making my own connections. I am seeing others making connections. Noticing missed connections. Awkward connections.

Connections, connections, connections.

And you know what started it all? LOST.

I KNOW. It is quite possible that you all think I am completely off the deep end, but I am telling you, in a lot of ways I think LOST changed my life. It opened my eyes to all kinds of weird things that I had never even thought about but am now tying in a way to my life and to my faith.

I am especially struck by all of the connections in life especially in the final season (Potential spoiler alert ahead) (if you are a LOST person, you probably know what I'm talking about. or should I say "life?" I'll never know...) About how their lives were so strangely intertwined.

And I am overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed to tears in. my car. (embarrassing? whatever I'm going with it) on the way to the petstore for dog food just the other day. Overwhelmed with how God orchestrates life, meet ups, situations, and how everyone at that stoplight's life was there intertwined for that moment in time. That while we may never be somewhere at the same time again (or maybe we will be) for that instance we were all in the same set of lanes. Our lives were connecting.

Which got me to thinking (and is where the crying came in) is what if in each one of those connections, there was a purpose. Just that so often we don't explore it. What if in every situation there is an opportunity to meet the need of another and we just don't take the opportunity. What if we together have the ability to take care of all the needs of the people in those connections? Yet we just don't ever reach out.

What if I was in that line at Petco with that grandmother who is away from her grandbaby so she could hold onto my daughters hand for a moment and it would heal her heart just a little bit?

What if that man in front of me at the bank needed someone to tell him to have a good day?

What if that young woman buying groceries in front of you couldn't really afford them, and just needed that person behind her to offer to pay for them. Just this once.

What if the man who just got honked at, cussed at, and road raged at for not being in the right lane who is now sitting next to me in traffic with his windows down just needed for someone to roll down their own window and say "I'm sorry you're having a rough ride home from work."

What if that woman carrying too many bags was frustrated and felt like no one cared and just needed someone to notice her and help?

What connections am I missing?

What connections are you missing?

Gentleness

2011-10-06T08:30:00.000-04:00

The other day I wrote about something that was repeatedly catching my attention in my readings. I wrote a bit about personality traits that I wanted more of. (Or some of at all....uhmmm hellllloooooo patience?) Ways that I wanted to react to things that face me every day in my life. One of those traits that has really struck out to me in this season of my life is Gentleness.

I feel like the word gentleness is everywhere.

I know I've written before about how sometimes I feel like things follow me? Well, right now it is gentleness!

In the books I read (currently: Nurture by Lisa Bevere), in the scriptures I am focusing on, in conversations and stories and blogs and songs.

EVERYWHERE.

And the thing is, is that I feel like I am not very gentle. I know some may argue this point, but I'm sure those people are either being gentle themselves (ha!) or just plain and simple don't live in my house when I'm upset or angry. Or hungry. Or tired. Uhm, the list goes on.

I am not so much gentle often times as I am harsh and tough. And in discovering this about myself I have begun to wonder, how did I become this way? And I think somewhere along the way....I got a little mixed up.

I think I confused strength with being rough around the edges.

I think I confused strength and perserverence with being overly tough.

I think I confused independence with being less feminine. (not saying I'm like a man, but you know what I mean...right?)

I think I confused with having strength to being a little harsh.

And while all of these things I have thought....I am coming to KNOW that what I have thought is not TRUTH.

The truth is that I am to be "peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone". (Titus 3:2).

I want my rough edges to be filed down. I need that to be. For my harsh and too strong nature to be molded into gentleness.

Help me, Lord, for I cannot do it alone.

Just Be

2011-10-03T06:30:00.000-04:00

Lately during my Bible readings and my life goings I have realized that I am lacking in some things.

Some personality characteristics so to speak.

They are practically leaping up at me off of the pages of the Word.

Gentleness. Self-control. Selflessness. Patience. Peace. Grace.

But then when I look at the pages of my life, very different things tend to be prominent to me.

Toughness. Anger. Selfishness. Impatience. Irritation.

Not to say that I am always irritable or just all around not a nice person, because (I would hope) that that is not the case. I am, however, not where I want to be in those areas of my life.

It had been that whenever I would read those words that I would desire to be, I would start getting a little upset. Maybe get a little down. Probably a little grouchy (probably the opposite thing I should be doing...). I would wish and wish and wish that I was that person. That person who was gentle and peaceful and patient more times than I'm not. And then I would move on until the next time when the cycle would begin again.

I decided last week that it needed to be different.

I can sit and wish wish wish for the rest of my life and still be an angry, irritable, impatient, old lady. OR. Or I could JUST BE that person that I want to be. That I know that is what I am called to be. The "new" me. That old cranky angry me doesn't have to be me anymore. In this moment, this exact moment in time, I can choose to be patient. Or gentle. And you know what? It makes things so different!

I wake up in the morning praying that the Lord would help me to have a spirit of gentleness. That He would help me to extend the grace that was so freely given to me. It makes so much of a difference.

I am more present in every moment. Able to step back for a second and say, "is this really how I want to react right now? what else can I do?" It makes so much of a difference.

I am certainly not perfect, nor will I be this side of heaven. But I know that it is making more of a difference in my life to just be rather than wishing I was.

Who do you want to be?

Just. Be.

Catch-up

2011-09-29T09:22:00.001-04:00

So I notice I took a little unintentional week long writing break! Thanks to you for hanging in there with me!

This week brought with it the first cold of the season for every member of our little family, my husband working an obscene amount, and our living room floor being ripped up and replaced. Not to mention an electric saw as a temporary addition to our living room.

Needless to say (which, by the way, that is a weird saying!), writing was put on the back burner. I definitely have been thinking on some topics lately, though, so the wheels have been a-turnin'! So some posts will be coming at you starting next week.

Thinking of you all and praying for you as I type. If you have a specific request for prayer, feel free to leave it in the comments (or email me if that's more your thing!).

See you next week!

Linky Dinky Doo

2011-09-23T10:11:00.000-04:00

Hello, friends! (sorry, too much Yo Gabba Gabba)

Hope you all have had a wonderful week and are getting excited to be refreshed on this here weekend!

I really want to share these links with you today so that if you have some time while you are relaxing (at home, these are definitely websites you view AT HOME) you can check them out.

These are for the Christian marrieds out there that read my blog. I don't talk about "intimacy" *ahem* here, because I just don't feel like that is something I am called to, but these people do! I think that is awesome, what they say is awesome, and they are awesome.

(I have not been approached by any of these people, they don't know me at all, and if I didn't do this they would never know. I just think they do good work!)

So check them out!

Hot, Holy and Humorous

Intimacy in Marriage

The Marriage Bed

One Flesh Marriage

bowchickabowbow

Things I Thought About LOST

2011-09-20T07:27:00.001-04:00

WE. FINISHED. IT.

120 episodes.

OH MY LANDS.

Obviously in 120 episodes I thought a lot of things (other than Kate WHY must you follow Jack/Sawer again when Jack/Sawyer obviously told you not to FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME and it has always worked out SO WELL FOR YOU before. *ahem*) and I obviously cannot write all those thoughts out because there is not enough imaginary computer ink in the world to contain all of the many things that swirl around in the vortex of my mind so I will keep it to a few.

LOST actually hit me on a deeper level than I thought it was going to. I actually started crying in the car (please do not laugh at me!) after it was over. Not because it was over, but because all of a sudden the gravity of something hit me. The whole dang season we sit and watch as (spoiler alert? probably not..) all of the characters struggle with their purpose. Constantly asking questions like "why is this happening?" "why me?""what on (island?)earth do we do?" And not only do these questions put the characters into some inward and outward turmoil, but it gets the viewer sucked in to. At least it did me.

For some reason in the car though, it hit me all of a sudden. I know the One who knows the answers to all those questions for me. HOW AMAZING. It is really beyond my ability to comprehend almost. It is so crazy to me that LOST of all things brought me into a deeper realization of this. The whole show they are wondering why, who orchestrated this, what do I do, and I feel for them! Because how often has that happened to me? But the amazing thing is, I know He who KNOWS.

Awesome.

On another, not so intense or serious, or amazing, note: I probably cried upwards of three times during the series finale. If you would like to know what parts feel free to ask, because I am not about to spoil everything for those who are behind the times even more than I am on the LOST train.

I will also say that I actually liked the finale because I felt that it was fitting to the show. If it was any other way (read:any less confusing) it wouldn't have been LOST.

Now if you need me I will be processing what the crap it all means for the rest of my life.

Frequency

2011-09-18T18:55:00.001-04:00

I had a post written today and I deleted it.

In the past week I should have done that more. Deleted what I wrote. Because sometimes I have found I am posting just to post.

And so soon after writing a post about why I write! How ironic.

I am in a constant state of evaluating myself, my motives, my actions. I think that is important for growth. And what I am feeling right now is that my frequency of being here, needs to be less. I have also deleted some posts that I wrote in the past that I am now deeming kind of pointless.

I'm not saying that I am going to quit blogging. But I am going to quit blogging just to have a blog post up. If my lesser frequency of posting brings me down in followers, so be it. I'm going to be way more selective about what I choose to post because I need to be. Some things I just don't need to say here...and I need to start figuring out what that is.

I know this post may be vague and weird and all over the place. I will try to explain by saying- I am not naturally an outgoing person. I'm fairly introverted actually. But I can force myself out of my comfort zone if I try. I haven't been. I hate to blame it on blogging, but I will blame it on myself when I am blogging. In some ways I let this place be a replacement for being social in "real life" and talking things out with others. And being fully present in a body of believers and growing there. I let this place be where I come with musings of life and of faith, and while that isn't bad...right now I just feel like it might be hindering me a bit. I'm not tearing anyone down for what they do here in the blog world, that is just me personally.

So again, I'm not leaving or quitting, but just know that I will be around less. And if I have a post up it is because I really and truly have something to say that I feel needs to be said, to you. Not just said.

Thats enough jibberjabber from me.

Have a nice Monday.

Your Eyes Tell A Story

2011-09-15T05:46:00.001-04:00

Do you feel things?

I mean really feel things.

Way down deep in your heart.

So deep that all of those deep, raw, real emotions pour out of you, so that others around you can see.

I mean really.

I have known so many who just seem so vacant behind the eyes.

Maybe they're lying about their feelings.

Maybe they are trying to cover up what is really inside.

Whatever the reason it is obvious.

Let the real you shine.

Happy, raw, whatever.

What you are, is beautiful.

Why I Write

2011-09-08T06:36:00.003-04:00

I often get to thinking about how much noise and junk is out there in the world, and especially here on the internets. And I don't necessarily mean noise that you here with your ears, although some is, but what I'm referring to is the chaos, how loudly everyone is clamoring to be heard even if they have nothing to say, how much stuff is out there in our faces. all. the. time.

Well often when I get to thinking that, I get to thinking this: why am I writing then? Am I just another person who thinks my life is worthy to be read about? Am I just someone else who would like to brag about where I'm at, and all I have? Am I just filling another blog with junk for others to waste their time on? I get to thinking about how the last thing on people's minds who are starving in other countries, or even in our own country, is a blog. And then I'm kind of grossed out with myself...

Then I start to think about why it is that I write. Why it is that I fill this space on the internet. Why I add my voice to the mix.

I want to be a voice of truth in all that noise.
I want to lead people into discussions, within this community, or in their homes, or in their hearts.
I want to help people discover truth.
And by those truths, I mean Jesus.
I want to be open and honest in a world that strives to always put their best foot forward, even if it is fake.
I want to record memories and remember how I was thinking, what I thought was meaningful, what I thought was funny, what I thought was worthwhile at this time in my life.
I want to mix serious with joy and laughter.
I want people to feel at home here, like they are with a close friend.
I want this to be a place where people can see that raw emotion, thoughts, questions, and journeys can still be beautiful.
I want people to see that faith is alive. That Jesus is alive.

I can't promise that I will be perfect in my writing. But I can say that this is my goal.

Why do you write?

YES!

2011-09-07T05:59:00.002-04:00

This past Sunday, our pastor's sermon was one of those where I wanted to stand up and scream some "Amen!"s. Or run up to the front and just hug him. I know I wrote about the outline of his sermon yesterday, but there was one sentence that he said yesterday that had me nodding and "mmhmmm"ing like I have never nodded and "mmhmmmm"ed before.

It fell during the "Christ being preached matters." point.

He said this:

"The hope of the world is not legistation...It is Jesus Christ and Him being preached."

He said that if it was your thing as a Christian to do politics than, okay, you do that, but that that is NOT the hope of the world. The hope of the world is Jesus.

MMMHMMMMM. AMEN.

(I will have you know that I had a huge ranting political post after this and I deleted it. I don't know if it would serve any purpose other than to get me some hate-mail, and I'm still not sure that I ever want to get too political here on the blog. Maybe one day I will write it. Maybe I won't. If you're interested, email/comment me. If you're not, feel free to go on about your day.)

Does it Matter?

2011-09-06T06:38:00.001-04:00

My mom loves to send me cards in the mail. I love that my mom loves to send me cards in the mail. Usually they're inspirational. They often make me smile, or tear up a little.

These past few weeks have been rough for us. For me. So yesterday when I saw a card in the mail, well, it was timely, ya know? And this is what it said:

I laughed out loud. Loudly. Because seriously, if I had to pick up a card to describe how I was feeling right then....yep, that was it!

It's been rough. And it has sucked. Those things are certainly true. But you know what else has sucked these past few weeks? My perspective.

I didn't realize it though until Sunday morning when our pastor preached on Philippians (can I just say I always put too many Ls in that? cuz I do). His sermon was on focusing on what actually matters.

You know what I've been focusing on? You know what has mattered to me? Every. little. thing. that didn't go "right". Every. little. thing. that didn't go "my way". No wonder my attitude sucks. Seriously. What does matter? (these are from my sermon notes)

People matter. (vs 1:3-6)

Christ being preached matters. (1:15-18)

My attitude matters. (2:14)

Perseverence matters. (3:12-14)

The ones that really, really, stood out to me right now were the "people matter", and "my attitude matters" points. Lots of times I get so caught up in what is going "wrong" for me, that I ignore the needs of others. I ignore that I should have an attitude of humility. I ignore that Jesus came here and became a man and gave up His life for me, and here I am complaining and moaning and crying about the fact that my kid goes to sleep 30 minutes late sometimes. (that last sentence actually makes me want to punch myself in the face, real talk.)

I'm making mountains over lots of little molehills and ignoring all the mountains.

So this week my goal is to value others and their needs more than my need for an exact schedule. I'm going to look past the inconveniences in my life and love others instead. I'm going to persevere through obstacles and hardships instead of losing my mind.

Because all of those molehills I've been making into mountains? Are nothing worth my focus.

He is.

What matters to you?

A Week Without Mascara

2011-08-22T07:59:00.000-04:00

I am a reformed makeup addict.

Not in the sense that I had 234982529 containers of makeup flooding my bathroom drawers and cabinets, but in the sense that I would never leave home without it. Never be seen without it. Never be photographed without it.

I say I am "reformed" because shortly after Little Bug was born I stopped wearing foundation/concealer/eyeliner/eyeshadow/blush/bronzer. I wore it at first, but I hated seeing the traces of foundation on her sweet little baby skin after I held her close to my face. I also would sit there and think of how beautiful she was/is and hope that she would always see herself as I see her. Beautiful without a trace of makeup. Perfectly created by God. And then I would feel incredibly convicted about why I didn't see me that way. About why I insisted upon covering up my skin because it was "imperfect" and "blemished" and that I "looked better with makeup".

So as a statement to my daughter, and to myself, I stopped wearing it. (I was also inspired by my dear blog friend, Laura who is a strong, beautiful woman who also doesn't wear makeup!) And I have successfully been "makeup-less" for months.

Except mascara.

I have extremely light eyelashes (I'm a natural strawberry blonde) and I just feel as though I look like I have no eyelashes without mascara and it looks weird (to me). So I have clung hard and fast to my mascara. But what kind of statement am I making if I hold to that because I "look funny" with my natural eyelashes. You know, the ones God decided for me to have.

So this has been the week without mascara. Every day I have chronicled where I'm at with it and what I'm feeling. I'm hopeful that after this week I will be able to say goodbye for good.

sans mascara face

Day 1, Monday- I woke up this morning saying OH MERCY I look tired, but as the day went on I started adjusting. I'm also contemplating whether dying my hair light blonde was an error on my part because I'm feeling a little albino (not that there is anything wrong with that, just not my style!). By the end of the day, though, I actually looked at myself in the mirror and thought my eyes looked bigger and popped more. Which is hysterical because that is a reason that I would use mascara in the first place! Apparently I didn't need it. For that at least.

Day 2, Tuesday- Well this morning I didn't have a mini-freak-out about my exhausted look, so that is progress. I often felt today like I was at youth camp (you know, because who wears makeup at youth camp?) which is kind of nice, and kind of weird. Also, I went to the (very crowded) doctors office and (very crowded) pharmacy and wasn't self conscious! That is big! Also, the woman at the pharmacy looked at my ID and said that couldn't be me and I had lost so much weight and I looked great! I mean, HOW CAN A DAY BE BAD AFTER THAT? :)

Day 3, Wednesday- I went out for a lunch date with a friend today and again I wasn't self conscious! Being self conscious was a main reason why I had never "quit mascara" before, and I'm finding that hasn't really been a problem for me in reality. I've also noticed a shift in how I view makeup. I sit and think about how weird it is that we decided to draw with black around our eyeballs thinking that looked really good on us. Weird weird weird. In that same vein I look at myself in the mirror and think "huh, so that is how I'm supposed to look!". I feel like I "match" now. I, for one, do not have black hair. So why on earth I thought it looked good to have black around my eyeballs, or even brown (when I tried that) I honestly do not know. Because now I think I look more normal than I ever have. (apparently God knows what he's doing when He gives you your eyelashes!)

Day 4, Thursday- Decided I liked that I woke up looking the same way I was going to look all day (besides my hair, of course). I used to be jealous the way guys could do that...I'm not sure why it didn't click with me that makeup wasn't mandatory. (although, some would like us to think so!)

Day 5, Friday- Today was a bad day for reasons I will not get into, but I did like crying and not ending up with racoon eyes. That is the upside, I suppose.

Day 6, Saturday- I can't remember much about today except that I'm so tired I can't see straight and don't feel well. Not feeling like I look very good today....but I think I would have thought that, mascara or not.

Day 7, Sunday- For real, except for the fact that I'm writing this....I haven't really thought about it today. I like that!

Well, friends, I did it! I officially made it a week without mascara! And you know what? After I write this post, my mascara is going in the trashcan. Because I can do it. Because I want to do it. I want for my daughter to look up to me as a role model for beauty, and to know that she doesn't have to slather her face in makeup to be beautiful. I don't want to be the same as the rest of this country. I want her to see that she is beautiful without having to cover who she is. She doesn't. She is gorgeous. I want to think those same things about me too. And this is one way to do it.

Disclaimer. I understand for some people that makeup is simply a form of self expression the way that coloring your hair, or nail polish can be and has nothing to do with how they think they look au natural. I have no problem with that. Buy HEY YOU, yeah you, the one who is suddenly like "OH YEAH makeup is totally self expression for me and I have no problem with my natural face and just being who I naturally am in public and in photos and yaddayadda." after I just typed that. I encourage you (yeah, YOU) to really check yourself. Check your motives. Why are you really putting on all that makeup? I mean REALLY. What are you covering up?

And yeah, I'm totally calling you out. I'm not ashamed of that. This journey is changing my view on beauty. It's changing my view on some of what our culture says about beauty. (I'll talk more about that later).

I would love for you to be on that journey with me too.

sans mascara face

Mob Mentality

2011-08-17T14:12:00.000-04:00

Something has been bothering me. Like really really bothering me. Even more than a gnat flying around my head, or Kim Kardashian being considered a celebrity.

I know, big stuff.

What is bothering me I see a lot of (unfortunately) in the blog community. And the Facebook community. And the Twitter community (I mean...I've heard of it there, I'm not cool enough to "tweet" you see...). Oh, what is it you ask?

Well the situation might go a little something like this: Lady A(she's pretend, yall, don't get your panties in a bunch) talks about some situation that happened with a friend. HOW DARE this friend do such and such. She is SO HORRIBLE. etc. Then her "followers" comment "YOU ARE SO RIGHT LADY A" "WHAT A *(@#47%(7! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED! YOU ARE PERFECT" etc. Now it doesn't matter if Lady A is wrong, oh no, Lady A is soooo right and that friend is just awful!

Or it goes something like this. Lady B (also pretend, yall) talks about something she did. Someone called her out on whatever she did being inappropriate. She goes to her social media outlet and writes: "This is what I did follower people, "THATS NOT SO BAD, RIGHT?? I MEAN PEOPLE DO WAY WORSE, RIGHT??" etc. All of her followers reply "LADY B THAT IS NOTHING, I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY SAID THAT." "THAT PERSON CALLING YOU OUT NEEDS TO GET A LIFE" etc. Now it doesn't matter if that person was right in saying that what she did was inappropriate, oh no, Lady B did no wrong.

Now, I get it. Sometimes injustices are done. Yes, I get it, mistakes happen and sometimes bad things do happen to people. But, for one, why are we talking about them on social media and not to the person we actually have a problem with?

ALSO, I'm not a fan of how "followers" are so quick to jump on that person's side. When maybe Lady A and Lady B or whoever is writing the blog/status/tween is wrong. And maybe that other person wasn't being so horrible to them.

I think we need to remember that in social media we are normally only getting ONE person's side of the story. Not necessarily the actual story, but just how one person feels about the story.

We also need to remember that not everything that happens to us needs to be documented on social media. Some things should be private disagreements (really I think for the most part they should be!). Everyone and their momma on your blog/Facebook do not need to know about you and Sally Mae's (also fake person) drama! For real!

I would also like to say something to all of you who are reading this. I DO NOT want this on my blog. Don't be a "follower" of mine, be a friend. If for some reason I describe a situation and you think I'm over-reacting....TELL ME. If I happen to mention something I did and you don't think it was appropriate....TELL ME. If you're going to give me feedback, give me real feedback. As someone who actually cares about me. As a friend.

Don't just be a follower.

It's Okay

2011-08-15T07:49:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I fall into a little bit of discontent about who I am.

Sometimes I wish....

That I was always funny.

Always sweet.

Always humble.

That I had a distinct "niche" for this here blog.

A gorgeous decor for my home.

Beautiful and exquisite meals that graced my table.

And crafty things about that I had made with my own hands.

That I was always wise in what I spoke.

Always fit.

Always clean (both me, and my house!).

Always used kind words.

Always a good friend, mother, wife.

Always well read, always in the know, always up to date.

Sometimes I just wish that I had it all together that way.

Sometimes I just need to remember that person in my head who I "should" be?....isn't me.

And that is okay.

It's okay that I'm only sometimes funny, sometimes sweet, and sometimes humble, because that is real.

It's okay that my blog is all over the place, that my home didn't come out of a catalog, that I won't be writing any cookboks anytime soon, and that I don't have a crafty bone in my body, because this is my space anyway.

It's okay that I don't always say what I should, that maybe I eat too much cake sometimes, and that things around here are sometimes a little messy, because life is messy sometimes.

It's okay that sometimes I don't say the nicest thing, that sometimes I am not the woman I want to be in my mind, that I am not educated and informed about every little thing, because I am imperfect.

And that is okay.

It's Strange

2011-08-08T20:36:00.000-04:00

I went to a "Christian high school".

I went to a "Christian university". (two of them, actually)

And I'm starting to think that something about it is a little strange.

What I can remember learning is a lot of facts about the Bible, a lot of history lesson, a lot of who wrote what and when, a lot of things about the history of the Christian faith and history of the church.

But what I don't remember learning is about who Jesus is. Who God is. And about the fact that the Bible and the stories within it are all part of the greatest love story ever told. Of how our relationship with God was broken, but He has gone through so much to bring us back to Him, back into that most loving, most fulfilling relationship we will ever know.

I'm not knocking those Christian entities. I'm just bringing up the fact that I think so often we are losing the point. We're hung up on the "issues". On the facts. On the evidence. On the dates. On the whatever. Not to say that any of those things are bad, necessarily. But when they become the primary focus, I think they are. I think that in a lot of ways are losing what it's really all about.

About JESUS.
About relationship.
About sacrifice.
About LOVE.

Let's regain our focus. It will make all the difference.

Some Funny, Some Links, and Some 5QF

2011-08-05T09:24:00.000-04:00

A little bit of this, a little of that. Because it's FRIDAY! :) I'm hoping for some weather less than sweltering and without rain to have some nice time outdoors this weekend....but I'm not going to hold my breath!

If you missed my little mini-series on Motives this week, I would encourage you to check that out.

This post makes me wish for fall even more than I already am. AND want to eat that food every day of my life. If only I could take pictures of my food that made it look that good. (or really, if only I could make food that looked that good!)

I loved this post and found it so encouraging. Some women have their panties all up in a bunch over it, but I loved it and it really spoke to my heart in a big way.

Oh and I was talking about Donald Miller the other day and how I was loving how his book Searching for God Knows What was making me think. Well I forgot to also mention that he blogs.

One of my friends posted this on facebook yesterday and I just couldn't help but laugh. So I have to share it, because everyone needs a little snicker now and then ;)

TO ALL THE SINGLE PEEPS in a hurry to get married, a quick piece of Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz & make sure he respects Yoaz.

Now onto 5QF!
And as if I havent posted enough links already ;) If you're new from 5QF you can check out this post about me, if you would still like to know more.

1. Do you have siblings and are you close with them?
I have a sister who is 3.5 years younger than me. We were closer when we were younger. I got married and moved across the country, so I think that has hindered our closeness a bit. However, when we are together (like a few weeks ago!) we just pick up where we left off...so I would say we are still close, just not as close maybe.

2. Would you rather be slightly UNDER weight, or slightly OVER weight?
Well, could we define slightly? ;) Actually I think I would say slightly overweight. I've been slightly overweight for the past uhhhh 5 or 6 years, so it's doable! hehe

3. What's your favorite State Fair food to splurge on?
Elephant ears, funnel cakes, whatever you call 'em, I like 'em! Although right now a nice ear of corn on the cob sounds just delightful. Dripping with butter....mmmmmmm!

4. What are your thoughts on your kid(s) going to school in a few weeks?
My child is 5 months old, so....nothing I'm too concerned about ;)

5. Pool or ocean?
Ocean to sit by and relax by and maybe get up to my ankles in (knees if I'm feeling daring). Pool to swim in. I just can't stand the thought of things swimming around me that I can't see. To be truthful I don't like things swimming around me (besides people) even if I can see them. Ick ick ick.

Happy Friday yall! :)

Motives: Loving Him

2011-08-04T07:09:00.000-04:00

You can check out my other posts from my mini-series on motives this week by clicking below:

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday

All of those motives that I've been thinking on and talking about on previous days are really secondary to today's post topic. This topic is the grand finale, so to speak. That topic is, my relationship with Jesus and why I follow Him.

This is something I have really had to search my heart on, and I hope that you will do the same.

I have been diving into this as I've read Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I've been thinking hard on it as the pastor of our church asked this question on Sunday about a month ago.

"Why are you following Him? Because you want something? Because you're scared of going to hell? Or because you love Him."

You know what? For the majority of my life, if you had asked me that I probably would have told you that it was because I love Him...but the true answer probably should have been because I was scared of going to hell. When I was little I was terrified of that. Made me lose sleep terrified, as it well should. But should that really be the reason that I am following Him? The answer is no.

My answer today is much more about loving Him, but I think I still have work to do. On loving Him more. On giving myself fully over to be a follower of Jesus with my WHOLE life. Not just the part that I am willing to part with. But with everything. Because I LOVE Him. I know that this will be a constant process, but I am pressing harder in that direction than I ever have before.

I am working on learning more about Him. Finding out who He is. Not who my parents say He is, not who Christians I know say He is, not who the world says He is, not who our culture or time or customs say He is, but WHO HE REALLY IS. I'm beginning to find it so strange that I've never been that serious about this before. It really makes me sick to my stomach, that for so long I have been so lukewarm. I don't think before I would have told you that I was lukewarm, but looking now I think I most certainly was. I want to know Him. I want to love Him more. With my whole heart. With my whole life.

What are your motives?

Why do YOU follow Jesus?

Motives: In Housework

2011-08-03T13:58:00.000-04:00

Read this post for a little background on why I'm writing on motives this week, just in case you missed it! Also, check out yesterday's post!

Another way that I've really been evaluating my motives is in my "wifely duty" ;) of housework. I recently came across a new blog called Hope Road and she had written some posts in the past that I came upon on doing housework for the Lord. Rocked my world over here!

I am constantly getting burned out on housework. I struggle and sweat and get upset and frustrated that I can't get everything done. I am constantly thinking about how I wish that I was doing more.

Why?

Well after further investigation I have figured out my reasoning is always that I want my husband to think I'm impressive. Which typing this out is making me LAUGH OUT LOUD as the man would probably live under a pile of dirty laundry if he did not have a wife. (*edit: I mentioned this to him and he said he is capable of doing laundry, just doesnt put away, so he would live under piles and piles of clean laundry...now back to my post...) Not saying he is lazy by anymeans, but having spotless living conditions is not on his list of needs, or even wants for that matter. I'm not sure what I want him to do...think I am domestically fabulous, run and tell his friends I'm straight out of the 50s...clean house, pie on the counter (go ahead and say it, I'm losing it!), honestly I have no idea. I would also like my company that comes here to think I have it all together in the same way. Again, why....maybe it would go back to the life-boat...quite possible!

But I'm beginning to think that those motives are why I burn myself out. I'm striving for perfection, when perfection is just not something I am capable of. My focus is all wrong.

After reading Anna's posts on homemaking, I'm trying to start having a different approach to my housework. To think of it as cherishing the gifts that God has given me. Appreciating and taking good care of the many blessings that He has given to me and to my family.

It sounds a little silly maybe, but it sure did help me get my bathroom clean by thinking instead of "ew this is so sick I HATE BATHROOMS", thinking "I'm sure there are many many people in this world that would love the ability to bathe, have running water, and use a toilet anytime they wanted and I should take good care of mine because I am able to have this right now. I want to thank Him for that in this way."

Think about it. Think about your perspective. How can you glorify Him in what you do? How can you work for Him?

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23

Motives: In Relationships

2011-08-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I wrote about how I was at a time in my life, in my walk, where I'm really taking a good hard look at my motives in my life. One of the areas that I've been hit hard in is in my relationships with others, especially in my friendships.

I would like to think that I'm a good friend. I really would. I would like to think that I do things for the good of my friends. I'm sure that I do sometimes....but after taking a closer look, I'm not sure that is entirely true of me.

I've been reading (slowly, I'm really trying to let it work in my mind!) Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. In it he talks about how because of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, man lost the direct connection that told him who he was, that he meant something, that he was valued and because of that we are now constantly seeking approval. We are constantly wanting to be liked, and for others to tell us that we are important and that we have value. I've never really thought of it in those terms before, and it really has been rocking my world. He talks about a "life-boat mentality" that we have now. You know the lifeboat, the lifeboat where "there's a doctor, a lawyer, a schoolteacher in a life-boat and only two can live who do you throw off, blahblahblah". He says that we're out to prove why we're worthwhile and why we are the one that deserves to stay in the lifeboat and why we're better than the others and that is why we have the issues we do in this world. Because we're all looking for something to tell us who we are and that we matter, and a lot of us aren't finding it where we should. Seriously, blowing my mind!

That has really made me evaluate my motives in why I do things. Am I just trying to get ahead in the lifeboat? Am I trying to get people to value me, or am I doing it for them? Sure, sometimes I do things for my friends because I love them and I cherish their friendship....

But, turns out, a lot of times I'm doing it for me. Not because I value others over myself. Not because I love them, but because I want to look good.

A friend of mine's birthday was recently and I found myself wanting to go over and decorate her front porch and bake her cupcakes and all that birthday jazz. And sure, part of it was to make her feel special, but when I really asked myself "Katie, why do you want to do that?" the answer wasn't because I love her. It was because I saw that other people had brought her some birthday things and I wanted to look like the best friend. I wanted other people to think I was a great friend. The greatest friend.

Sick, huh? And why would I put that about myself out there on the internets for all the planet to see?

Because I want you to think about it to. Why are you who you are as a friend? Why are you who you are to others in general? Why do you do the things you do? Out of love? Out of the goodness of your heart so that others may have joy and feel that they are loved? Or because it kind of makes you look good, or because the relationship is advantageous to you?

Are you trying to have others give you value and tell you your importance, or are you looking in the right place?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humilty value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

Motives

2011-08-01T08:33:00.001-04:00

Right now I feel like God is really doing some serious work on me. On my heart. On my life. I really used to feel like I would go through seasons where I didn't feel like He was working on me much, and then seasons where He really was. Now I realize that the reason I didn't feel like He was doing anything to my life is because I wasn't paying attention. Or listening. Basically I was just living life with my hands over my ears singing "LALALA" at the top of my lungs. Sometimes I annoy myself. Seriously.

I'm determined to not be like that anymore. Quite honestly, the fact that I was being that way is kind of (totally) making me sick, but that's a different post for a different day.

One of the things I am learning right now, and studying, and thinking on hard has to do with motives. My motives specifically. On EVERYTHING. It's kind of terrifying when I really started looking at it, but it's starting to change my life. Really, I want it to rip my whole life upside down, because some of the things I'm learning about myself are kind of unattractive, unflattering, and just a little gross.

So that's what I'll be talking about for the next week or so, care to pull up a chair and listen?

It Is Well

2011-07-21T08:09:00.000-04:00

My post on Tuesday reminded me of this song. I absolutely love this song, and this is my favorite version. I'd love it if you took a listen. So beautiful. Such a great reminder that no matter what is happening around us,.... with our families, our friends, our finances, our country,..... no matter our circumstances, He is still God, and He is still good, so we are able to say "it is well".

Picture Perfect

2011-07-19T08:22:00.001-04:00

It's interesting, isn't it? The way we remember the past. How we see events that happened to us. The memories we choose to remember. And the memories we choose to forget. The way that the way we remember is sometimes infinitely different than the reality.

Occasionally I will get caught up in this "the way we were" syndrome. Not to say that I begin to hate where I am, because that isn't it, I just begin to feel a bit of discontent. I begin to think that I surely miss life in "fill in the blank" stage of my life. When I was in college and had time to nap every afternoon and sometimes the majority of the day on the weekends. When we could pick up whenever we wanted and go out to dinner, or a movie. When we lived in a different community with different amenities that were certainly better than what we have now.....

I recently had one of these moments. I was deep in the throws of "the way we were" syndrome. I was crying to my husband about how, in a way, I missed what our relationship looked like before. Before everything we've had to go through. Before we had years behind us. He looked at me and reminded me, that really, it wasn't so much better then, was it? we had issues to deal with and go through then too.

And suddenly I look back on all those places I go when I begin to think of "ohhhhh the way things were!" Sure I had time to nap in college, but I also had finals and midterms and was constantly stressed about getting papers written in time. When we could pick up "whenever we wanted" and go places we had jobs that we still worked our schedule around and had arguments and things to work through. When we lived in a different community with different amenities we got to deal with drunk college students blasting a bullhorn at 3 am on the weekends. And in none of those situations did we have the perspective on things that we have now, the relationship we have now that has stood the test of hardships and of some time, and we didn't have our sweet daughter either. Big things to be missing.

It is interesting to me the blinders I had on. The blinders that were starting to keep me from being content in the situations I am in. In the place I am. That kept me thinking "if only we had this certain thing, then life would be so much better and easier and cooler".

But would it be? Would it be "better", "easier", or "cooler"?

Probably not.

So I will be working on being content. Where I am. Not really because of where I am, but because of Who I know. Jesus. Who makes it so I can be content far beyond what I could ever be on my own. I need to stop forgetting the blessings He has poured out into my life. I need to stop wanting more. Because I already have everything I could ever need. Him. I need to hold tight to that promise, the promise that He is all I need.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

"Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."" John 4:13-14

I've Just Gotta Shout It

2011-07-14T10:40:00.001-04:00

Recently I took a bit of a hiatus from "the book of faces" (as a friend's elderly relative calls it). I took a little over a month to unplug from the thing. I don't really know exactly why I did it. I mean, yes I was fed up with it, but I don't know that is the reason why I really logged off. I just felt a sense that I needed to do it. I know now that sense was probably God telling me that I needed to. For perspective.

And oh did I gain some perspective.

I'm sure I will have quite a few posts about this over the next little bit, because I feel like I learned quite a bit. About myself. About different things. The first thing though that I want to talk about is the "I just have to say it" syndrome.

After being off "the book of faces" for over a month, I logged back on and started going through some statuses (stati?? i never know...) and one jumped out at me. Someone had written something along the lines with "I'm so frustrated, ugh, I just have to shout it to the world!!"

Now if you had showed me that over a month ago I would have thought nothing of it. I would have been like, oh duh, that's the point of a status blah blah blah. But now it made me pause.

Why?

Why do we suddenly feel the need that we have to "shout it to the world!"? Why do we feel the need that everyone needs to know our feelings, our business, how we're mad or upset or grouchy or even happy or content or excited? Why do we feel like our friend from grade school/jr high/high school who we haven't seen in 83 years needs to know what is going on every.single.second of our life or what is going through our head at all times?

Why?

I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing all the time. But sometimes I do think we need to keep some things to ourselves. Some things that people are plenty happy putting on "the book of faces" for Friend-from-83-years-ago-Sally and Great-Aunt-Maude and Pastor-Joe and everyone else on the planet to read about.

And am I sometimes guilty of doing this by writing this blog?

Just thoughts. But I think they are definitely worth thinking.

What's your take?